IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, most epople prefer to rent their homes rather than buying them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of renting a home?

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In recent years, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 from many countries live in rental places rather than
to buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 their own.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 situation has a certain benefit for
lower income
Correct your spelling
lower-income
 families to own a living space and make
easier
Correct pronoun usage
it easier
show examples
workers
Change preposition
for workers
show examples
mobility
Change preposition
to mobility
show examples
, the advantages
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as the rapid increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 rent
fee
Check wording
fees
show examples
 and the risk of eviction is concerning. One significant benefit of leasing
home
Correct article usage
a home
show examples
 is
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
 allows buyers
find
Verb problem
to find
show examples
 a
house
Use synonyms
 within their budget.
People
Use synonyms
 with low incomes
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
often
couldn't
Wrong verb form
can't
show examples
 afford a full
house
Use synonyms
 mortgage, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
by renting out, they can choose a temporary
place
Use synonyms
 where they can pay weekly without spending so much money
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 who
just
Verb problem
have just
show examples
 started their
carrier
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 wouldn't be able to afford a
house
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
,
renting
Correct article usage
a renting
show examples
 option would allow them to get a
place
Use synonyms
 to stay by sharing it with
some
Correct determiner usage
other
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. Not only offers a temporary
place
Use synonyms
,
renting
Correct word choice
but renting
show examples
 a
house
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to move from one
place
Use synonyms
 to another
place
Use synonyms
 easily. The rental places usually
provided
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 furnished
room
Check wording
rooms
show examples
 where
people
Use synonyms
 can move without having to bring all of the stuff
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as cooking utensils and bedding.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 rapid increase in rent fee is the biggest issue faced. Every year,
people
Use synonyms
 have to pay more and more
due to
Linking Words
 the higher cost of living
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 in a big city.
For example
Linking Words
, the increasing use of electricity can cause the rent fee
higher
Verb problem
to be higher
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the
pay
Check wording
apply
show examples
wage
keeps
Verb problem
remains
show examples
 the same,
therefore
Linking Words
 can cause the following downside
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
show examples
 of eviction. In conclusion,
rental
Correct article usage
a rental
show examples
house
Use synonyms
 is a good solution for certain
people
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
Use synonyms
people
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 afford to buy their own
house
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about good and bad points, but the end is too short and does not sum up the bad side clearly.
task response
Add one more clear bad point and explain it more. The idea about eviction is good, but it needs more detail.
task response
Use examples that fit the main idea better. The point about electricity is not very clear as a reason for higher rent.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, explanation, example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, as a result, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. Write shorter sentences to make your meaning clear.
task response
You answer the topic and discuss both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You give some examples, like young workers sharing a home.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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