IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Business & cultural exchange between countries is increasing and this is thought to be a positive development by some. However, others believe that it might lead to loss of identity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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An often debated whether exchanging trade and lifestyle between some
countries
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 is a positive or negative development towards the identity of one's nation.
This
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 essay will discuss
about
Change preposition
apply
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both opinions before the conclusion is reached. In my opinion, I firmly believe that cultural exchange leads to positive changes in
countries
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. On the one hand, business swapping is always profitable for both
countries
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 that engage with it together. One of the main reasons is that businessmen can develop infrastructure,
thus
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open
Wrong verb form
opening
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 job opportunities in the country, and it helps individuals by giving
payment
Correct pronoun usage
them payment
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.
For example
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, some companies established their organisation in Georgia,
such
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 as SOCAR,
provide
Correct pronoun usage
which provide
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 a lot of
people
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 who live in Batumi and Tbilisi with job opportunities, and
people
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 can benefit from
this
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 vacancy.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 have some chance to assimilate into other nations and build strong relationships.
As a result
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, they can enhance communication skills and other things
Rephrase
apply
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also
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, which ultimately strengthens
our
Correct determiner usage
the
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 relationship between the two
countries
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On the other hand
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, sometimes swapping with other
countries
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 is not a good idea . It
also
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 impacts the identities. Significantly,
trading
Correct article usage
the trading
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 of work between territories has an adverse effect on employment and economic values. Nowadays, a wide range of animation companies in Russia are more focused on getting work done from abroad in order to get more fame in the industry , which ,
as a result
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,
they are generating
Correct subject-verb agreement
generates
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 less employment for native individuals. In conclusion, exchange programs between 2 nations can be beneficial and play a significant role,
while
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it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
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 can
also
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 bring some economic and employment problems to
people
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. In my opinion, we should exchange business and cultures between
countries
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.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Write one clear idea for each side and explain it more.
task response
Give a clearer opinion in the middle and at the end. Keep the same view all through the essay.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic more closely. Focus on culture and identity, not only jobs and money.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one main point. Then add one reason and one example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear phrases like 'other things also' and 'trading of work'. Use direct and simple wording.
task response
You answered both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used one example to support your idea.
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