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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The following pie charts show the use of social media by men and women in Australia in 2011 and 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

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The pie charts compare the percentage of social
media
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usage
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Use synonyms
media
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apply
show examples
by two genders in Australia from 2011 to 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 most
men
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 never used social
media
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 in 2011. In
this
Linking Words
 way, most
women
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 used social
media
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 once a
week
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.
However
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, both of them used social
media
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 every
day
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 in 2014. As the pie charts show, in 2011, 44% of
men
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 never used social
media
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 , and
this
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 is the largest
proportion
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. The smallest
proportion
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 of
usage
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 was once a
week
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 by 12%. Every
day
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 and a few
times
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 a
week
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usage
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 relatively similar at 25% and 19%, respectively.
However
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, in 2014, the largest
proportion
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 of
men
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 used every
day
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 at 45%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the smallest
proportion
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 of
men
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 used social
media
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 once a
week
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 at 9%.
Few
Correct article usage
A few
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times
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 a
week
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 and
never
Replace the word
the use
usage
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 of social
media
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 exactly doubled. Coming to the
women
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 in 2011, the largest has spend social
media
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 once a
week
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 at 39%, the smallest
proportion
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 of
women
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 who never used social
media
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media
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 Never at 8%. Regarding a few
times
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 a
week
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 at 22% , and every
day
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,
women
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 who used social
media
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 were relatively similar.
By contrast
Linking Words
, in 2014, the largest
proportion
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 of
women
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 used an everyday account for 59%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
times
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
 and once a
week
Use synonyms
 were relatively similar at 9% and 10%, respectively. Meanwhile, 22%
women
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 never used social
media
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, on the other hand".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words media, usage, men, women, week, day, proportion, times with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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