IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that governments should provide free healthcare for all citizens, while others think individuals should pay for their own medical treatment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is widely debated that the states should invest funds in providing medical
services
Use synonyms
 to their citizens at no cost,
while
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 many scholars argue that
people
Use synonyms
 should bear expenses for their own treatment. From my perspective, I partly agree with
this
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 statement
depending
Punctuation problem
, depending
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 on the situation
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 has to pay attention to other concerns
also
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.
To begin
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 with, if
people
Use synonyms
 can have access to free medical
services
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 in their nation,
then
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 it enhances the quality of life and surroundings.
This
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 is particularly because
irrespective
Punctuation problem
, irrespective
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 of financial status, individuals can visit hospitals and clinics to get medical treatment at no expense. Another key factor is that
people
Use synonyms
 already contribute considerably to
government
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 funds by paying taxes
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can be utilised for the betterment of the nation. It will promote
people
Use synonyms
’s positive attitude towards the states.
For instance
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, during the
covid-19
Fix capitalization
COVID-19
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 pandemic,
government
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 funding was used significantly to provide reliable and accessible medical
services
Use synonyms
 to the
people
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 free of cost, which saved many individuals’ lives and promoted dignity and humanity.
On the other hand
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, individuals should take
care
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 of their own health
care
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 expenses to a large extent
as
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, as
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 the
government
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 has to allocate resources to political, trade, the military and infrastructure for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic development. It is
also
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 important to note that the revenue from the medical sector is a significant source of
government
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 funds
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is used for various purposes.
Moreover
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, providing free medical
services
Use synonyms
 will result in crowded hospitals, leading to a decline in the quality of health
care
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 professionals and
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services
Punctuation problem
services,
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 as
people
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 will seek
services
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 for minor issues that increase workload pressure in
health
Correct article usage
the health
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care
Use synonyms
 system.
Therefore
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,
people
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged to pay for medical expenses except in
case
Check wording
cases
show examples
 of pandemic concerns. In conclusion, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
perspectives offer substantial and far-reaching benefits
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 I partly agree with the statement that the
government
Use synonyms
 should make efforts to adopt a strategy to provide free medical aid in case of pressing and emergency situations like
covid
Fix capitalization
COVID
show examples
.
Besides
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 that, individuals should be solely responsible for their treatment.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say you partly agree, but the line about 'depending on the situation' is a bit broad.
task response
Explain your key ideas a little more. Some points are good, but a few need deeper support, such as why free care may lower service quality.
task response
Keep your position the same all through the essay. In the end, your view is clear, but some lines in body 2 sound too strong and less balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph so the reader can follow your main idea more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a more natural way. Some joining words are used well, but a few sentences feel long and heavy.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each main point with one clear reason and one clear example. This will make your paragraphs stronger and easier to follow.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view.
task response
You use a real and relevant example about covid-19.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are in a logical order, so the essay is easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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