IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Having more international sporting events may promote world peace. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Nowadays, there has been an upsurge in countries engaging in war
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 has
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 imbalance in the world.
However
Linking Words
, creating more international sporting activities can indirectly promote peace
, i
Punctuation problem
. I
show examples
 strongly agree because events
builds
Correct subject-verb agreement
build
show examples
 harmony among individuals. Big events like the World Cup or the Olympic Games create a feeling of shared joy. For a short time, people follow the same games, talk about the same stars, and celebrate together.
This
Linking Words
 shared interest can help create a more peaceful
world view
Correct your spelling
worldview
.
Linking Words
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 addition, gathering
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
Linking Words
,
Check wording
interests
show examples
 exposes different cultural beliefs and awareness.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer all parts of the task more fully. Say clearly why you agree and add one more main idea.
task response
Add a short ending to sum up your view. This will make your essay feel complete.
task response
Use one clear example for each main point. For example, say how one sports event helped people from two countries come together.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', and 'in the end'. This will make the flow easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar so each idea is easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each point a bit more. Right now, the ideas are good but too short.
task response
Your main view is clear: you strongly agree that sports can help peace.
task response
You give relevant ideas about shared joy and learning about other cultures.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an opening and body ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is used, such as 'However' and 'in addition'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • world peace
  • international sporting events
  • bring people together
  • build trust
  • mutual understanding
  • shared joy
  • friendly competition
  • fair play
  • respect for rules
  • team spirit
  • peaceful way
  • cut fear
  • human connection
  • national pride
  • political tension
  • deep problems
  • solve conflict
  • promote peace
  • small part of the solution
  • diplomacy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: