IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in many countries goverment are investing in new technology to deal with the public. why is this happening ? do you think this is a appropriate use of goverment money?

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In modern
time
Check wording
times
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, it is undeniable that the majority of countries are giving more effort to develop better
technology
Use synonyms
 for the public. There are those who say that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should
investing
Wrong verb form
invest
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 in modern
technology
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 to deal with people and
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
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 living styles
more
Verb problem
to be more
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 convenient. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will examine the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend and
impact
Correct determiner usage
its impact
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 on using
government
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 money. On the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries
highly
Verb problem
are highly
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 investing in
high tech
Correct your spelling
high-tech
technology
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 to
monitors
Wrong verb form
monitor
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 in different sectors from
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
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 place. To illustrate,
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 nowadays
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
introducing
Wrong verb form
introduces
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 various types of
electrical
Correct word choice
electronic
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 documents which are more convenient to
access
Use synonyms
these
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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from
website
Correct article usage
the website
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, a person who needed specfic document from
state
Correct article usage
the state
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 office
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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more
Verb problem
was more
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time consuming
Correct your spelling
time-consuming
 and expensive before, but individuals need to
login
Replace the word
log in to a
 certain
regim
Correct your spelling
regulatory
 website
Linking Words
whereas
Correct word choice
to
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 easily get desire documents within a minute.
In addition
Linking Words
,
technology
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 advancement may help various sectors to get
access
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more
Rephrase
apply
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faster, and it
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to improve
a
Correct article usage
the
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 quality of life without any problems.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I personally believe that researching
on
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apply
show examples
automation
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 help to
government
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 handle all sectors
more
Change preposition
in more
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 convenient ways. To clarify, approaching
new
Correct article usage
a new
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electrical
Correct word choice
electronic
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 card
which help
Correct subject-verb agreement
that helps
show examples
 to
access
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on
Change preposition
the
show examples
 metro railways and buses .
For example
Linking Words
, a country who introducing electric card
Correct word choice
, where
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whereas
Linking Words
 individuals do not need to face any kind of hassle for
ticket
Correct article usage
a ticket
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, they can
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
easily get
access
Use synonyms
 to buses or various transport systems through
this
Linking Words
 card. That way
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 public can save their time
as well as
Linking Words
state
Correct article usage
the state
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government
Use synonyms
 may
minitors
Wrong verb form
monitor
show examples
 easily, and these things are pushing that country to invest more in modern
technology
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 developing new
technology
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 has several advantages for
peoples
Check wording
people
show examples
 and
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 approach has a positive impact on
government
Use synonyms
 money.

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task response
Answer both questions more clearly. Say why this is happening, and then say if you think it is a good way to use public money.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some parts are too general. Add one clear reason in each body part and explain it more.
task response
Your examples are useful, but they need to be more exact and easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion, so the shape is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body part. This helps the reader follow your plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used, but some sentences do not connect well. Make shorter sentences and link one idea to the next in a simple way.
coherence and cohesion
Put similar ideas together. For example, keep all points about online public services in one part, and all points about transport cards in another part.
task response
You answered the topic and gave your opinion.
task response
You gave examples about online documents and travel cards.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning and ending.
coherence and cohesion
You used basic linking words like 'On the one hand', 'In addition', and 'In conclusion'.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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