IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the media, such as newspapers, should be allowed to publish information about people’s private lives. Others, however, think that there should be controls to stop this media from providing this kind of information. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is true that
people
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 can get diverse
information
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 from
media
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such
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 as newspapers
,
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apply
show examples
and social
media
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. Some opin that
journalists
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 should release regarding
people
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's personal daily
lives
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 through the
media
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,
while
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 others contend that it is sort of dangerous for their privacy , so the government should control them.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my perspective, I strongly agree with the latter view. Without a doubt, the
media
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such
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 as newspapers, and social
media
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 like Facebook, Instagram and YouTube make
people
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 more convenient and beneficial in many ways. Modern
people
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 tend to be obsessed with watching and reading the
media
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 in their daily
lives
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.
Hence
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, if the
journalists
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 publish about famous
people
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's lifestyle, routine, and hobbies,
such
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 individuals who read the newspapers all the time from their mobile phones or tablets can get strongly motivated, leading them to work or study harder than before.
For instance
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, in South Korea, most students have been getting motivation from the historic teacher " Yeonsu Kim" who is extremely famous in Korea since the students watched her interview about how to become a success and what you need to be.
Nevertheless
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, it is a sort of dangerous issue in their private
lives
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. Typically,
journalists
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 tend to publish not only good things but
also
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 bad things , which leads to
people
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 who normally get
inspire
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inspired
 from those
media
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.
Moreover
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, they can share
the
Correct article usage
apply
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personal
information
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 over a limited network, which is dangerous.
In addition
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, if the
people
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 who got inspiration and follow the influencers or artists's life style or routine fail in their
lives
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,
such
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people
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 might not trust what they
said
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said,
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leads to
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leading
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 them to be afraid of their achievements.
Moreover
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, if the
journalists
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 share the influncers's life style over a limited
, they
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period, they
show examples
 might lose their privacy. A salient example is that South Korea, the famous artist "BTS" alwyas face afraid their privacy because of their crazy fan who follow them even to their homes. In conclusion,
although
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 the newspaper makes individuals
more
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' lives more
show examples
 convenient in their daily life, some over react
information
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 can put
people
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 at a disadvantage.
Therefore
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, the government should restrict them publised
information
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approperately
Correct your spelling
published appropriately
 and try to effort give good influence on citizens through those
media
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.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. You talk more about the bad side than the good side.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in each body part, not only in the intro and end.
task response
Use examples that fit the point more clearly and explain them more.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in one paragraph, then add support for it.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a clear way. Some links are not natural or are used too much.
coherence and cohesion
Check long sentences. Some parts are hard to follow because too many ideas are joined together.
task response
You answer the full topic and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use some examples to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • media
  • private lives
  • publish
  • information
  • controls
  • accountability
  • public figures
  • transparency
  • right
  • invasion
  • distress
  • relationships
  • context
  • mislead
  • narratives
  • ethical guidelines
  • balance
  • public interest
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