IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

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It is argued that, these days, most individuals use natural
resources
Use synonyms
 excessively , specifically oil and gas.To provide sources , they thought about opening up untouched lands.Personally, I completely disagree with
this
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 point of view
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 in my opinion, we should limit the use of sources
instead
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 of getting access to more
resources
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. On the one hand, it is believed as current predicament is that opening up new
areas
Use synonyms
 in order to acquire access to non-man-made materials.
In other words
Linking Words
,
this
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 action could have a detrimental influence on the Earth's biodiversity.To acquire these types of sources, one should explore new
areas
Use synonyms
, mining, and releasing hazardous gases to the environment.
This
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 could lead to the loss of animal species which can not be created by humans.
Last
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 but not least, gaining access to natural
resources
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 is not as crucial as Earth's biodiversity. Another point of view to consider is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
this
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 phenomenon not only causes the loss of flora and fauna , but it
also
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 can have detrimental effects on the environment and on our health system.
Additionally
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,
this
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 caused several catastrophic issues,
such
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 as air pollution, sewage and even
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to the lack of SFSs and CO2. To prove
this
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 point,
according to
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 statistics provided by Nazarbaev University Kazakstan's environment worsened considerably because of the unlimited use of natural
resources
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 , which resulted from opening up new
areas
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. In conclusion, it can be seen that, even though opening up new
areas
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 seemed
as
Change preposition
like
show examples
 a solution to our tackles,
this
Linking Words
 could be a setback that can be reversed in the long-term.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Keep saying why you disagree.
task response
Give one clear main idea in each body paragraph, then explain it with a simple example.
task response
Your example is not clear enough. Use a short and real example, or explain the example more.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer order: intro, body 1, body 2, conclusion. Your order is mostly good, but some ideas are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like because, so, also, however, and for example.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long or broken. Make shorter sentences so the reader can follow your ideas more easily.
task response
You gave a clear opinion in the introduction.
task response
You stayed on the topic and wrote about harm to nature and health.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used some linking words like On the one hand, Additionally, and In conclusion.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global demand
  • finite resources
  • energy consumption
  • exploiting
  • untouched ecosystems
  • carbon emissions
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable energy solutions
  • geopolitical consequences
  • territorial disputes
  • dependency
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