IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

***The way children spend their free time has been altered by new technologies. Are the benefits of this greater than the drawbacks?*** ***Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.***

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Our modern life is increasingly influenced by digital
tools
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. Almost all
field
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fields
show examples
 are interested
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
use
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 of
techonolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
, even
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 of
children
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 and their
use
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 of free time. Critics argue that a massive
use
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 of
techonolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
 can lead to
an important
Correct word choice
significant
show examples
 damage
of
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to
show examples
people
Check wording
people's
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 health,
while
Linking Words
 supporters of
techonlogy
Correct your spelling
technology
 claim that digital
tool
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tools
show examples
 can
easier
Verb problem
make it easier
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the way
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for
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children
Use synonyms
Verb problem
to learn
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learn
Punctuation problem
learn,
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give they
Wrong verb form
giving them
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 more free time. I firmly think that technology is important in
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children
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children's
show examples
 development, if it is
balanced used
Correct word order
used in a balanced way
show examples
. On the one hand, digital
tools
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 give the opportunity to make friendship easly respect to the past
without
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, without
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 considering any limit of distance or language.
For example
Linking Words
 childern can get in touch with people living in other countries and
deep
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deepen
 their knowledge of other cultures.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a massive
use
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 of digital
tools
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 can lead to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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health damage.
For
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example
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example,
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 it is more and more frequent
between
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among
show examples
 teenagers the fear
to be
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of
show examples
 missing out, the FOMO syndrome
by
Punctuation problem
, by
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 which
children
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 stay constantly
on line
Correct your spelling
online
 because if they don't
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 feel like they miss some important news or feel like
the
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have
being
Wrong verb form
been
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 rejected
from
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by
show examples
 their peers.
This
Linking Words
 situation represent a important risk for
teens
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teens'
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 health, causing depression and isolation.
Linking Words
to
Fix capitalization
To
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 sum
up
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up,
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 digital
tools
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 can have both advantages and disadvantages
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I think that a solution to limit the damages is to
use
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 them in a balanced way
being
Punctuation problem
, being
show examples
 aware of the
risk
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risks
show examples
 that are involved in a massive
use
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 of
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
.

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task response
Answer the question more clearly. Say if the good points are more than the bad points, and keep this view clear in all parts.
task response
Add one more main idea about benefits, such as learning, skill, or safe fun at home, then explain it well.
task response
Use examples that are more direct and clear. Show how one real case supports your point.
coherence cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, explain, example, result.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words carefully, such as 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'as a result', to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one. Some parts jump too fast from one idea to another.
task response
You give both sides of the topic and you give your own view.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use an example about FOMO to support one main point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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