IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as Sahara desert or Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places ?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent society, visiting unapproachable
places
Use synonyms
become
Verb problem
has become
show examples
 more
challenges
Replace the word
challenging
 for tourists who are passionated to explore the extreme
journey
Check wording
journeys
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as
Sahara
Correct article usage
the Sahara
show examples
 or Antarctica.
This
Linking Words
 essay will be made to examine the advantages and disadvantages for those who visit
such
Linking Words
places
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are several benefits associated with travelling
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 extreme environments. One of the most apparent positive aspects is that trips offer unforgettable experiences. To illustrate, visiting
places
Use synonyms
 like
Sahara
Correct article usage
the Sahara
show examples
desert
Fix capitalization
Desert
show examples
 or Antarctica may
give
Verb problem
allow
show examples
 tourists to explore landscapes or unusual wildlife creatures that could fulfil their
tasks
Check wording
task
show examples
 achievement.
For instance
Linking Words
, seeing unfamiliar creatures in
Sahara
Correct article usage
the Sahara
show examples
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
black
Change preposition
like black
show examples
snack
Check wording
scorpions
show examples
, which have been informed
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 the most dangerous snack in the world
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 could kill people in just a second after
poisoned
Verb problem
being poisoned
show examples
. As in the fact that excitement of experience is very attractive to
them
Punctuation problem
them,
show examples
 where its drive their motivations, challenges, and open-minded of learning deeper
of natural
Replace the word
naturally
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 drawbacks related to
this
Linking Words
 type of journey that should not be overlooked. One negative aspect is the potential high risk injury. To clarify, going to
places
Use synonyms
 where is a fews source information could not give the tourist well-prepared
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 trips.
For instance
Linking Words
, facing in decreasingly minus temperatures in Antarctica could affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their body temperature balanced is led to very low heat in the system to be able to warm up their organ functions. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result,
lacking
Replace the word
a lack of
 information could harm their illnesses and mental problem under the situation where they should not be experienced.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, travelling to these
location
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
show examples
 can be expensive and environmentally
damage
Replace the word
damaging
, as increased human activity may disturb fragile
ecosystem
Check wording
ecosystems
show examples
 and small creatures
wildlife
Check wording
apply
show examples
. To recapitulate, it is evident that achieving unique destinations can provide memorable experiences and personal satisfaction,
while
Linking Words
 the main drawbacks include high potential risk
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 own safety, cost saving, and environmental concerns. Considering
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 thoroughly, it can be concluded that
such
Linking Words
 travel can be rewarding, but it requires careful planning and responsible behaviour.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way. Write one clear good point and one clear bad point.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some ideas are good, but they are not always easy to understand.
task response
Use examples that are clear and true to the topic. Some examples are confusing.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, for example, however, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar, because some parts stop the reader from following your meaning.
task response
You answered the topic and wrote about both good and bad sides.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to use examples to support your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • breathtaking landscapes
  • unique ecosystems
  • sense of adventure
  • personal growth
  • indigenous cultures
  • environmental conservation
  • climate change
  • environmental degradation
  • economically disadvantaged areas
  • physical health
  • harsh weather
  • difficult terrain
  • limited access to medical facilities
  • fragile ecosystems
  • habitat destruction
  • basic amenities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: