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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays, there is an ongoing debate about
people
Use synonyms
's treatment. Many
people
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 with health problems prefer to use
alternative
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medicines
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 rather than visit real doctors. I firmly believe that taking
medicines
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 without a
doctor
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's
advice
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 is an absolutely wrong decision. One of the biggest reasons for taking
medicines
Use synonyms
 without any
doctor
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's
advice
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 is that there are lots of fake and unprofessional
medicine
Replace the word
medical
advice
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 on the internet.
Thus
Linking Words
, without a professional person's
advice
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, trying
alternative
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medicines
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 could be a reason for
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 critical illness.
For example
Linking Words
, my friend had a lot of acne on her face, and she tried a number of
medicines
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 and oils that were suggested on social platforms. But in the end, her
face
Replace the word
facial
 acne increased a lot. That tells us that without a
doctor
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's
advice
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 or prescription,
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
trusting social media and
alternative
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medicines
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 can lead to a more serious problem.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if
people
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 know which medicine is correct and which is not, buying
medicines
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 without visiting a
doctor
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 will save them a lot of time. But it is very dangerous; it is impossible for everyone to have appropriate medical knowledge.
For example
Linking Words
, in Mongolia, most
people
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 do not have basic medical knowledge, but they trust each other's non-professional
advice
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, and that leads to
alternative
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 medicine. Buying
medicines
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 without visiting
their
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
doctor
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 is very time-saving, but because of that laziness,
people
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's health could be in danger. In conclusion, a growing number of
people
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 with health problems are trying
alternative
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medicines
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.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it is a negative development, professional
advice
Use synonyms
 and a prescription are crucial things.

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task response
Make your main idea fit the topic more closely. The topic is about alternative treatment, not only taking medicine with no doctor advice.
task response
Add one more clear reason why this is a negative development, such as late treatment or wrong care.
task response
Explain your ideas a bit more. Some points are clear, but they need deeper support.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some words like 'Thus' and 'On the other hand' do not fully match the idea that follows.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear focus in each body paragraph. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. A few parts sound repeated or slightly unclear.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
Your examples are relevant and help support your main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas usually move in a logical order.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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