Many people believe that nature plays a more significant impact on human adult intelligence, while others claim that an individual can train himself to become high intelligent. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Certain
people
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argue that genetics plays an important role in shaping the roadmap of human
intelligence
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.
However
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, other
people
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think that high
intelligence
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can be acquired with training and commitment. In
this
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essay, I will discuss both views and provide arguments and examples for each. On one hand, Genetic
influence
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play
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plays
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a considerable role in the development of an individual's abilities.
People
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born with innate qualities might perform better in various aspects of their lives as compared to
the ones
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those
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who might not possess the same.
As a result
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, different
people
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naturally excel
better
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apply
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in various
different
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apply
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things
due to
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their inherited traits.
For Instance
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, an individual can be more physically stronger and
athethic
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athletic
because they came from
generation
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a generation
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of
atheletes
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athletes
.
Therefore
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, they have an advantage to do better in sports
due to
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their biological
influence
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.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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might not possess any innate abilities but still end up being more intelligent and successful later in their
life
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lives
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.
This
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is
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mainly contributed towards their environmental
influence
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.
This
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is because these
people
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train and build their
intelligence
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over time.
As a result
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, they tend to increase their
intelligence
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through resilience and constant learning.
For example
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, some
people
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who might not be academically on par
,
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apply
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can still get good grades by studying and learning diligently compared to
people
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who are naturally good
in
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at
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studies. In conclusion, even though nature plays a significant role in
human's
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human
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intelligence
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,
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apply
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however
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, it can still be achieved through enough learning and
nuturing
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nurturing
throughout a person's life. In my opinion, an adult's
intelligence
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is independent of their genetic
influence
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but depends heavily on environmental factors (learning, training,
nuturing
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nurturing
).

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Your view is clear, but you need a bit more on why training is stronger than genes.
task response
Use examples that match intelligence, not sport. The sport example is clear, but it does not fit the main topic well.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Add one more reason or result in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. To make it better, link ideas more smoothly with simple words like 'also', 'because', and 'so'.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not easy to follow because of grammar and word form errors. Keep sentences shorter and simpler.
coherence and cohesion
Make your conclusion direct. Do not use both 'even though' and 'however' together in the same sentence.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Main ideas are easy to see in each paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inborn ability
  • natural gift
  • brain power
  • memory
  • learning speed
  • solve problems
  • early age
  • family genes
  • thinking skills
  • curious mind
  • hard work
  • steady practice
  • train the brain
  • build skills
  • good habits
  • school system
  • home environment
  • mental activity
  • reach full potential
  • starting point
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