IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think that the government should ban dangerous sports, while others think that people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is a debate about
danger
Correct article usage
the danger
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 of
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 type of
sport
Use synonyms
.Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 should prohibit
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
certain
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of activities,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that
people
Use synonyms
 should have
freedom
Correct article usage
the freedom
show examples
 to spend time on any type of
sports
Use synonyms
 or activity. The
government
Use synonyms
 should ban dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 in order to provide safety to citizens, as
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
government
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
people's
Verb problem
considers people's
show examples
 safety more essential
rather that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 some
sports
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
banning
Punctuation problem
, banning
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 will prevent the
dying
Correct word choice
declining
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 number of
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
 participants and lead to
fall
Correct article usage
a fall
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 mortality, which will benefit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the reputation of
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
. For some
Use synonyms
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
sport
Use synonyms
 is that kind of physical activity which has no limits in anything.If the
government
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will give a
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
 freedom to do any activity, it may lead to strength the international relationships between countries.
As a result
Linking Words
, the country will have an opportunity to
rise
Verb problem
raise
show examples
 the political communication.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it leads to enhancing
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
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 field of the country, as around the world there are several countries which provide availability of any type of
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
 activities with relevant insurance. In conclusion, the
government
Use synonyms
 which prohibits
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 prioritise the life
expandency
Correct your spelling
safety
 of
people
Use synonyms
 and
tryies
Correct your spelling
tries
 to provide
safe
Correct article usage
a safe
show examples
 life for its citizens.
However
Linking Words
 i think that spots requires risks
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is not plausible to avoid all harmful
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
 by banning them
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 think that danger will not be the
stop
Replace the word
stopping
 thing for
them
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to try
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 luck.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about both views, but the ideas are not fully clear.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way in the body, not only at the end.
task response
Use more real and clear examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea easy to follow. Some sentences are hard to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple and clear way. Some links are not natural.
coherence and cohesion
Develop one point before moving to the next one.
task response
You answer both views and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as 'moreover', 'as a result', and 'additionally'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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