IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that we cannot learn anything from the history for our life today, while others believe that history is a valuable source of information to understand human's life. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Historians argue that learning from humanity’s past is vital for our future. Others disagree with
this
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 statement and believe that
history
Use synonyms
 should stay in the
past
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past,
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 as modern-day problems are unique in themselves and do not relate to
issues
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 from before. In my opinion, it is important to learn from the mistakes of previous generations to prevent repeating those same mistakes. In some way or
another
Add a comma
another,
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 we can benefit from learning from our past, as
issues
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,
such
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 as wars, are still ongoing in our times. Examining the devastating consequences of war helps educate us on the pernicious nature of
such
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 actions and
deviate
Correct subject-verb agreement
detours
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 us from going down
this
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 path again.
For example
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, the use of nuclear bombs in WW2 and their effects on the long-term health of survivors, warn and may discourage world
leader’s
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leaders
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 from using
such
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 weapons again. Of course, some will argue that
this
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 may not be considered at times of war, but regardless,
this
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 does not change
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 fact that the information is still useful. Others may disagree that knowing
history
Use synonyms
 aids us in our daily lives, especially in
this
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 new age of
technology
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technology,
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 where we face
issues
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 that have not been seen before. There is no reference point we can relate to that could help us understand the dangers of technology development. The use of artificial intelligence is a recent phenomenon
and
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, and
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 the outcomes developing from it
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such
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, such
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 as artificial intelligence
psychosis
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psychosis,
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 are entirely unique and unpredictable-
hence
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, studying human
history
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 is made obsolete in
such
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 an example. As mentioned before, some believe
history
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 isn’t of any relevance in our modern
issues
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,
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;
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however
Linking Words
, I agree that studying human
history
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 is advantageous.
Although
Linking Words
 the problems we see today may not be the same, humans and their nature have certainly not changed.

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task response
Write a fuller ending. Your last part is too short, so your final view is not fully clear.
task response
Discuss both sides more evenly. The second side is shorter and less fully explained.
task response
Add one more clear example for the second view to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more clearly between ideas, like 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas need smoother flow. A few sentences feel a bit sudden or not fully connected.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each body paragraph has one main idea and then support it step by step.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion.
task response
Your war example is clear and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph structure with an introduction and body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • valuable source
  • learn from the past
  • repeat mistakes
  • human behavior
  • modern society
  • daily life
  • past events
  • make decisions
  • solve problems
  • social change
  • equal rights
  • public health
  • world wars
  • economic failure
  • good leadership
  • guide people
  • understand life
  • in my opinion
  • for example
  • as a result
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