IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People sleep less than they used to. What do you think is the reason behind this? What is the effect on individuals?

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People
Use synonyms
's physiological rest is less met than it was in the past.
This
Linking Words
 is because of many things, but mainly money. We work longer hours to earn more dollars. And
this
Linking Words
 is resulting in fatigue.
People
Use synonyms
 tend to sleep less than in the past because they are more focused on securing their finances.
This
Linking Words
, in turn, results in
people
Use synonyms
 taking on double jobs,shifts , or roles,
thus
Linking Words
 increasing working hours. From a woman juggling motherhood and entrepreneurship. A student finishing his or her studies
while
Linking Words
 working part-time. a nurse picking up extra hours, 16
instead
Linking Words
 of the regular 8. Sleep time is compromised, ultimately leading to fatigue. Continuous disruption of the active and inactive states corrupts the body's programmed restorations.
This
Linking Words
 is evident on the news from Japan in 2025, where a number of Japanese collapsed on the streets, and mortality cases were recorded. In summary, the lifestyle demands
then
Linking Words
 and now are very different. Evident in
people
Use synonyms
favoring
Change the spelling
favouring
show examples
 more work hindsight sleep. As we are all gearing up for the "good life", may we all be reminded to pause and reconsider a holistic approach. We have to find the balance between priorities and effective time management.

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task response
Write a clearer main idea in each part. Make one reason and one effect very clear.
task response
Answer both questions fully. You gave one main reason and one main effect, but you can add one more effect on health or work.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to trust. The Japan news example is not explained enough.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Use words like because, so, as a result, and for example.
coherence cohesion
Keep sentence style steady. Some parts are not full sentences, so the flow is weak.
coherence cohesion
Check paragraph unity. Put all reason ideas in one body part and all effect ideas in another body part.
task response
You answer both parts of the task: reason and effect.
task response
Your main message is easy to see: money and long work hours lead to less sleep.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear start, body, and end.
coherence cohesion
Some linking is used, such as this, in turn, and ultimately.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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