Today's schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Nowdays
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Nowadays
, some people believe that it is important
to schools
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for schools to
show examples
teach their
students
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about financial
literature
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literacy
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so they
able
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are able
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to
faced
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face
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an uncertain world. I strongly believe that
money
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management should teach in the early age, so they can prepare and lead to
self development
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self-development
in the first place.
Money
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are
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is
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the most prestigious
things
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thing
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in
this
Linking Words
world, where all individuals are seeking
from them
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it
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. To make
money
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more valuable it should be some
a
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apply
show examples
way to manage
them
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it
show examples
so we can use it more wisely. From that
persepective
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perspective
,
i believed
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I believe
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a
schools
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school
show examples
is the right place
to
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for students to
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students
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learn how to manage
they're
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their
own
money
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.
For example
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, today's school is not just explaining
about
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the
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theory of
economy
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economics
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, but they
also
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thought
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think
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about the process of savings and make some investment by attending
some
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a
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workshop or gathering with all the
students
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at
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during
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the long holiday.
As a result
Linking Words
, it
makes
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helps
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students
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know how
they
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to
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manage their own
money
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and become resilient in the future.
On the other hand
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, we
still
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are still
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witnessing the condition where economic in an unstable position. Inflation in several
country
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countries
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still
rise
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rises
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year by year.
Thus
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, when
students
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knowing
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
the real situation today,
they
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their
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parents
as well as
Linking Words
the
students
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will
prepare
Verb problem
be prepared
show examples
. Especially when
school
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schools
show examples
are trying to develop a particular
courses
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course,
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such
Linking Words
as how to manage
money
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,
students
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directly learn from that and could
assign
Verb problem
apply it
show examples
in their real life. These things make
students
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create a certain stage
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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as
resilients
Replace the word
being resilient
and tough, that makes to survive in
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
aspect. In conclusion, it is very important
to
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for
show examples
schools
teach
Verb problem
to teach
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student
Check wording
students
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how
they
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to
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manage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
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, so they will have the
abality
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ability
to survive in the financial unstable
worlds
Fix the agreement mistake
world
show examples
.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why you agree, and keep this clear in all body parts.
task response
Add more clear ideas about how school can teach money skills, for example budgeting, saving, and safe spending.
task response
Use one real and clear example in each body part. Your example about workshops is a good start, but it needs more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and correct way, such as first, also, however, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar because some parts are hard to understand. Clear sentences help your ideas connect well.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You stay on the topic of money skills at school.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
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