IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In order to change their appearance people often turn to plastic surgery. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such an approach ?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era,
artifical
Correct your spelling
artificial
beauty
Use synonyms
 methods have become ubiquitous around the globe.Most of the people prefer to use surgical methods to look attractive. Being younger
as well as
Linking Words
 a source of income generation, especially for the famous
personalities
Punctuation problem
personalities,
show examples
 are the main pros,
whereas
Linking Words
 various health issues
as well as
Linking Words
 high cost are the main cons of the above statement. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, the most salient benefit of plastic surgery is that
one
Use synonyms
 can
remains
Wrong verb form
remain
show examples
 young after injecting chemical fillers and boosters on the face.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it will not only
ehnance
Correct your spelling
enhance
one
Use synonyms
's
beauty
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 boost confidence, which has become an essential asset to survive in
this
Linking Words
 nation.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in professions
such
Linking Words
 as
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 industry and
modeling
Change the spelling
modelling
show examples
, people get
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 only if they physically appear attractive.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they have to undergo
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some surgical operations to look attractive in order to get
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 profession, as they need money for their survival. To exemplify, the first requirement for the selection criteria of role models is their
apperence
Correct your spelling
appearance
, so in order to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
this
Linking Words
demand
Punctuation problem
demand,
show examples
 many candidates have to forcefully intake fillers
as well as
Linking Words
beauty
Use synonyms
 injections to look glowy skin and physical
fit
Check wording
fitness
show examples
. Resultantly, it has become an imperative part of their profession.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, health deterioration is the most significant disadvantage of using an artificial method to boost
one
Use synonyms
's physical appearance.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, constantly injecting
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
chemicals into the body can make an individual
suscepitable
Correct your spelling
susceptible
 to numerous
helth
Correct your spelling
health
 problems
such
Linking Words
 as cancer, dizziness
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as
eksema
Correct your spelling
eczema
. To cite an example, in India, the most famous
bollywood
Fix capitalization
Bollywood
show examples
 actress, Rawina, died because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
skin cancer,which is caused
owing to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 excessive use of chemical fillers .
Consequently
Linking Words
, it can be a curse for them.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of treatments
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often
 cost more as compared to other
beauty
Use synonyms
 products, which would
further
Linking Words
 boost
fincancial
Correct your spelling
financial
 burden on the people for whom it is mandatory because of their job requirement. To encapsulate,
although
Linking Words
 earning money
coupled with
Linking Words
 appearing young are the main benefits of the aforementioned statement,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
 its
numerious
Correct your spelling
numerous
 disadvantages
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 increasing cost of the treatment
as well as
Linking Words
 myriad
heath
Correct your spelling
health
ailments
Punctuation problem
ailments,
show examples
 can not be overlooked.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your good and bad points are clear, but some ideas need more full support.
task response
Give one or two clear and real examples. Some examples now feel weak or not fully true.
task response
Keep your main idea very clear in each body part. Start with one point, then explain it, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words like 'moreover', 'furthermore', and 'consequently' are good, but too many can sound heavy.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and hard to follow. Make shorter sentences to help the reader.
task response
You answer the full question and talk about both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main side of the topic.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: