IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Global human trafficking and slavery are important issues posing a threat to humanity. Discuss and give your opinion.

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It is stated that global human trafficking and slavery are crucial concerns as a threat
of
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to
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 humanity. I completely agree with
this
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 view because it is against human rights and completely immoral. The primary reason I support the idea is that no human should be treated as an object for anyone’s satisfaction.
This
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 is because every human is equal regardless of race, gender and wealth. Everyone has equal dignity and rights to live freely and
protected
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be protected
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 under the law. The long history of black
people
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people's
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 slavery portrayed one of the worst human
cruelty
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cruelties
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 that ever existed in human history.
However
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, the victims of the story still bear the consequences without the proper compensation
from
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for
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 their loss. Hatred and discrimination are still there
and
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, and
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 most
of
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apply
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black people are still treated as a second-tier class within their own land.
Furthermore
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, human trafficking is a serious crime and against the law
by
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in
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 itself. The issue is not only within the nation but
also
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 relates to
conflict
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the conflict
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 between countries. There are many cases where people are kidnapped from one country to another and forced to work in an illegal industry
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as a scammer hub in Cambodia. These victims are forced to work in horrible conditions,
violences
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violence
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, and never get paid. In conclusion, global human trafficking and slavery are serious issues towards humanity. Governments must step in to protect and
cease
Verb problem
address
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 the issues as soon as possible.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task more fully. You give your opinion clearly, but you can say more about why this issue is a threat to all people.
task response
Add one more clear example or result in each body paragraph. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
task response
Use more exact topic words. For example, say how trafficking harms families, law, safety, and basic human freedom.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. To make it better, link ideas more smoothly with words like because, as a result, and in addition.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not fully clear or natural. Keep sentence order simple so the reader can follow your point easily.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main idea, then explain it, then give an example.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
You use relevant examples, like black slavery and scam centers in Cambodia.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph plan with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas follow in a logical order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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