IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in many professional sports ,there is an increase in the number of athltes using banned substances to improve their performance.What are the causes ?WHat are the solutions?

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s certainly true that the
use
Use synonyms
 of banned
susbstances
Correct your spelling
substances
 by many professional sporters to achieve better results
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
After providing careful analysis on why the problem has risen so
sharoly
Correct your spelling
sharply
 in
this
Linking Words
 community ,
Ishall
Correct your spelling
I shall
 suggest some causes and
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 solutions to tackle
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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the problem.
This
Linking Words
 is one of the worst social there are many causes which are to
be blamed
Wrong verb form
blame
show examples
 for it.First main cause is the pressure to win
Punctuation problem
. This
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this
Linking Words
 pressure comes
for
Punctuation problem
, for
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 istance from
coach
Correct article usage
the coach
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,fans
money
Correct word choice
, and money
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..because
Punctuation problem
. Because
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 of
this
Linking Words
 stress
some
Punctuation problem
, some
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 athletes may
use
Use synonyms
 banned substances to improve their
proforamnces
Correct your spelling
performances
 quickly and avoid losing
Second
Correct article usage
The second
show examples
 significant cause is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
awarenss some
Punctuation problem
awareness. Some
show examples
 athletes do not fully understand the danger of using illegal substances in sport
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 a young competitor may take a doping drug because a friend or/ coach
tell
Correct subject-verb agreement
tells
show examples
 them it helps performance ,without knowing it can danger the heart or cause serious health problems
However
Linking Words
 ,
this
Linking Words
 problem can be looked after well by several precautionary measures,first and for most solution of using banned substances is stroger control system
it
Correct pronoun usage
, which
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 means stricter testing and monitoring by
sportes
Correct your spelling
sports
 authorities to detect doping
Punctuation problem
. For
show examples
for example
Linking Words
 sporters are tested randomly ,and if they
use
Use synonyms
druges
Correct your spelling
drugs
,they are punished some other measures like education programs that mean teaching
athltes
Correct your spelling
athletes
 about the dangers of banned
susbstances
Correct your spelling
substances
 and the
importantce
Correct your spelling
importance
 of fair play
for
Punctuation problem
, for
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 istance how doping can damage their health and lead to bans ,so they choose to compete clean to include ,
Although
Linking Words
 ther/e are
sevral ligitimate
Correct your spelling
several legitimate
 concerns regarding the
use
Use synonyms
 of banned
susbstances
Correct your spelling
substances
 by
athltes
Correct your spelling
athletes
 to achieve better
result
Check wording
results
show examples
 if
above mentioned
Correct determiner usage
the above-mentioned
show examples
 steps are
take
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
 into consideration.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You tell causes and solutions, but some ideas are short.
task response
Give clearer examples. Your examples are basic and not fully clear.
task response
Explain each main point one step more. Show why it happens and how the solution works.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer paragraph order. One idea in one paragraph helps the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, because, so, and finally.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence form. Some sentences are very long and hard to follow.
task response
You answer both the causes and the solutions.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a short ending.
task response
Your essay has clear main ideas like pressure, lack of knowledge, testing, and education.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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