IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

A Mobile phone plays a significant role; it affects all medical and social aspects of our daily life from both negative and positive sides. Do its disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It has been observed that cutting devices
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a substantial role because it encompossing all medical and social aspects of our everyday routine from both
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
 and negative sides. From my perspective, the demerits of mobile phone is significant and outweigh
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
 because
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 would
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to
loosing
Replace the word
loss
 of communication skills in
childrens
Replace the word
children
 and
also
Linking Words
degradation
Correct article usage
the degradation
show examples
 of society. First of all, the mobile phone is indispensible tool in recent times;
however
Linking Words
, the consequences of using it
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 irreversible for
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation.
This
Linking Words
 is largely attributed to
lapse
Correct article usage
a lapse
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 communication skills, which means that the childrens are suffer from
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of live conversations because they spend a lot of time
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing video games, scrolling
tik tok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
 and don't even go
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
, and
as a result
Linking Words
- overindulged
kids
Check wording
apply
show examples
. In the long term, our population
decline
Verb problem
will decline
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 scientific
research's
Check wording
research
show examples
, over 80% of children in the world are currently dependent on smartphones.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
elder
Correct word choice
elderly
show examples
 population
also
Linking Words
 experience degradation in
the term
Check wording
terms
show examples
 of indolence and excessive phone usage
due to
Linking Words
 the fact
of
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 it could supersede the traditional methods of
research's
Check wording
research
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Artificial
Inteligent
Correct your spelling
Intelligence
 faced an exponential
achievment
Correct your spelling
achievement
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent times,
therefore
Linking Words
 people started to use it in their studies and job
projetcs
Correct your spelling
projects
 because it is
convenient
Correct article usage
a convenient
show examples
 option rather than doing long and exhausted researches and looking for information in the library.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say in a direct way why the bad points are stronger than the good points.
task response
Add one more body part or a short ending so your view feels complete.
task response
Give examples that are more clear and real. Explain how each example supports your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Put your ideas in a clearer order. One main idea in one paragraph is best.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words like first, also, because, so, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence connects well to the next one. Some parts now jump too fast.
task response
Your opinion is clear: you think the bad points are stronger than the good points.
task response
You give two main bad points: weak talk skills in children and harm to society.
coherence and cohesion
There is a basic paragraph structure with an opening and one body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use reasons and examples to support your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: