IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Schools have the social responsibility to discourage children from eating junk food. Others think it is the parent's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, there is an increasing trend of consuming junk
food
Use synonyms
 rather than eating home-made
food
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. In the given context,
while
Linking Words
 many people think that merely
parents
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 are responsible for
healthy
Correct article usage
the healthy
show examples
 eating of
children
Use synonyms
, others believe that it's the duty of education institutes to keep learners from having outside
food
Use synonyms
. In my viewpoint first argument is more convincing.
children
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where they
Use the right word
were
show examples
 born and brought up by their
parents
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. its an obligation on them to make
children
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 aware of what is good and healthy for eating
as well as
Linking Words
 other morals of life. Nurturing young minds where they can learn everything for good are the
schools
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. There are two fundamental reasons why
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe
schools
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' role is significant in making
children
Use synonyms
 aware of
mindful
Punctuation problem
mindful,
show examples
 healthy eating.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Processed
Fix capitalization
processed
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 usually
lack
Correct subject-verb agreement
lacks
show examples
 the
nutritions
Correct your spelling
nutrients
 which are important for growth and well-being. Making their minds informative with the key nutrients for mind and body growth is possible by the
edicators
Correct your spelling
educators
 in
schools
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. They can
imbine
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combine
 all information more
effieciently
Correct your spelling
efficiently
 in their minds.
Use synonyms
children
Fix capitalization
Children
show examples
 absorb everything at
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they tend to follow
tgose
Correct your spelling
those
 habits
whole
Correct determiner usage
their whole
show examples
 life.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
instiuutes
Correct your spelling
institutions
 where
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
peers meet each other regularly. They are more adaptable, where they are encouraged to bring house
food
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 for lunches and
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 told the significance of house
food
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 three times.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
parents
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 play a crucial role and
knowledgeable
Verb problem
are knowledgeable
show examples
 by their experience.
Children
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 outside the
schoola
Correct your spelling
school
 are trained mostly by
parents
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so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
listrening
Correct your spelling
listening
 to them is pivotal. Because
somrtimes
Correct your spelling
sometimes
 in
institues
Correct your spelling
institutions
 it may
kinked
Wrong verb form
be linked
show examples
 to
comparosons
Correct your spelling
comparisons
. Preventing them from
such
Linking Words
attitude
Correct article usage
an attitude
show examples
 is too significant. In the culmination, we may
asssert
Correct your spelling
assert
 that
schools
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 are central in providing the detrimental effects
ofconvience
Correct your spelling
of convenience
food
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 items, even though they taste mouth-watering, still considered noxious for health.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. You talk more about schools than parents.
task response
State your opinion in one clear sentence and keep it the same in the whole essay.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas more clearly with words like first, also, however, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence easy to follow. Some parts are hard to understand now.
task response
You discuss both schools and parents, so you address the main question.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Your main idea is clear: you think parents have the main duty.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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