IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people now wear Western-style dresses such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

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In the twenty-first
age
Check wording
century
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, people are
preferring
Rephrase
increasingly preferring
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 Western-style clothing
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as suits and jeans
has
Correct pronoun usage
, which has
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 become an increasingly urgent concern.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the primary advantages of changes in fashion trends and propose
feasible
Correct article usage
a feasible
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to
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way to
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 tackle the
isue efectively
Correct your spelling
issue effectively
. One of the principal drivers of
this
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 phenomenon is heavily influenced by Western
media
Use synonyms
. Hollywood movies, social
media
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, and international celebrities have made Western fashion popular worldwide. The growing popularity of Western-style clothing can largely be attributed to
globalization
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globalisation
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 and the widespread influence of international
media
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.
In addition
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, Western-style clothing is often associated with freedom, professionalism, and a modern lifestyle. To illustrate, many teenagers in Asian countries prefer wearing jeans and hoodies because they are strongly influenced by Western movies and social
media
Use synonyms
 influencers. Another compelling factor is
wearing
Correct word choice
that wearing
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 Western-style clothing is generally beneficial because it is convenient and suitable for today’s lifestyles.
For example
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, employees in international companies are often expected to wear formal Western attire to create a professional image.
Moreover
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, these clothes are mass-produced
,
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;
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 they are usually cheaper and easier to buy than traditional costumes.
Therefore
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, the increasing popularity of Western clothing has improved convenience and promoted international integration.
However
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,
this
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 trend may
also
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 have some negative consequences for traditional cultures. Despite its advantages, the widespread use of Western clothing could gradually weaken cultural identity. If younger generations stop wearing these clothes, they may become less connected to their cultural roots.
Nevertheless
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, traditional clothing can still be preserved through cultural events, national celebrations, and school activities.
As a result
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,
although
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 Western fashion is becoming dominant, governments and individuals should continue protecting traditional cultural values.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Say why this happens, and say more clearly if it is good or bad overall.
task response
Your main view is a bit mixed. You say it is good, but you also add a short bad side. Make your final view stronger and clearer.
task response
Add one more specific example for the bad side, not only for the good side.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs, which is good. But some topic sentences are not natural and make the flow weak.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some lines repeat the same idea, so the essay does not move forward well.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph do one clear job: reasons in one part, opinion in another part, then a short ending.
task response
You answer the topic and talk about both the cause and the result of this trend.
task response
You give some clear ideas like media, work needs, and low cost.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow, and you use basic linking words like however, moreover, and therefore.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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