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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, people now wear Western-style dresses such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

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There is an ongoing debate regarding whether the increasing popularity of Western-style clothing
instead
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 of traditional outfits is a positive or negative development. Some people believe that wearing modern
clothes
Use synonyms
 is beneficial for society,
while
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 others argue that abandoning traditional attire may have negative consequences.
Therefore
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, before giving my opinion, I would like to discuss both perspectives. Examining the former opinion, the primary argument supporters would put forward is that Western-style
clothes
Use synonyms
 are more convenient and practical for daily life.
This
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 is because items
such
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 as jeans, T-shirts, and suits are more comfortable, easy to wear and suitable for many different situations, including work, school, and social events.
In addition
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, proponents
also
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 believe that global fashion helps people feel more connected to the modern world. The reason is that international clothing styles are widely accepted and can help individuals integrate more easily into the global communities and workplace.
On the contrary
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, those in favour of the latter opinion have their own arguments.
To begin
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 with, they claim that the decline of traditional clothing may lead to the loss of cultural identity.
This
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 is because traditional costumes often reflect the history, customs and values of a particular nation.
Moreover
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, younger generations may gradually forget about their cultural heritage if traditional outfits are rarely worn.
For instance
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, many young people in society today prefer fashionable Western
clothes
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instead
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 of national
clothes
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 during festivals or important celebrations.
To conclude
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, there are convincing arguments both for and against the replacement of traditional clothing by Western-style fashion.
However
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, I personally believe that
this
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 is generally a positive development, provided that the crowd still preserve and respects their traditional dress on cultural and special occasions.

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task response
For task response, answer the second question more directly. You say it is positive, but add one more clear reason why it is positive.
task response
For task response, use a more real and clear example. Your example is general, so it does not give strong support.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear 4-part structure, which is good, but some linking words feel too formal and repeated. Use simple links like first, also, however, and for example.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, develop each main idea a little more. Some points are clear but not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, check small grammar and word choice problems because they can make the flow less smooth, for example 'the crowd still preserve and respects' should be changed.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give your opinion in the end.
task response
Your ideas are relevant to the topic and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, which helps the reader follow your writing.
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