Now people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes? What are the effects on individual and society?

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Nowadays
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Nowadays,
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people
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tend to spend more time at
home
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rather than going outside. It is because some of them have an
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introvert
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introverted
personality and
already
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are already
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exhausted from
work
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.
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However
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However,
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this
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will lead them to have an
undevelop
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underdeveloped
social skill and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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of networking. On one hand,
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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have an
introvert
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personality tend to have a limited social battery.
This
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will lead them to feel tired faster than an
extroverd
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extroverted
one, because when they choose to go outside and
socialized
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socialise
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with many
people
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, they need to force their energy to talk with them.
For
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example
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example,
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if an
introvert
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person
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going
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goes
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to a party, they prefer to
going
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go
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home
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early because they feel overwhelmed
of
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by
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the crowded situation, and I think that the biggest reason why an
introvert
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person
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choose
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chooses
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to be a
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home body
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homebody
or stay at
home
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.
On the other hand
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,
people
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that already
exchausted becaused
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exhausted because
of their workload, will choose to sleep at
home
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rather than hang out with their friends.
For
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instance
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instance,
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if a corporate
person
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already
have
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has
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a 9 to 5 job, they will definitely choose to watch their favourite series at
home
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rather than do activities outside with their friends or
colleages
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colleagues
,
such
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as
party
Correct article usage
a party
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,
watch
Correct determiner usage
a
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concert, or even sports.
Therefore
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, they choose to stay at
home
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.
However
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, these causes will give a side side effects to indivual which is having an undevelop social
skill
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skills
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. It is because they
already
Verb problem
are already
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used to being alone and not talking to other
people
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.
For example
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, if
this
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person
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have
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has
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a conference invitation from their
companies
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company
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and they should come
but
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, but
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since they do not have
a
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apply
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adequate social skills, it will be very challenging for them to talk with other
person
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in that event. Talking to other
people
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sounds simple, but it is a different case for
people
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who
not
Verb problem
are not
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used to
socialized
Wrong verb form
socialising
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with
ther
Correct your spelling
their
people
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because it is hard for them to
make
Verb problem
have
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a great conversation.
Lastly
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, the side effect that they might get from society is
having
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apply
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a lack of
network
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a network
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. For
people
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who
work
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in
corporate
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the corporate
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field, it is very important to have
great
Correct article usage
a great
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network, especially with
people
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in their field.
For
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instance
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instance,
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if these
people
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choose to stay at
home
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rather than going out to a
work
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gathering with their
colleage
Correct your spelling
colleague
,
than
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then
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how will they build a connection with them
.
Change the punctuation
?
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This
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connection or network can not be achieved if they choose to spend their time at
home
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.
To sum up
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, many
people
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nowadays prefer to spend their time at
home
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rather than going outside,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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causes
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
introvert
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personality and feeling exhausted because of their
work
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.
This
Linking Words
will lead them to have an undevelop social skills and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of networking.

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task response
Answer all parts more clearly. You talk about causes and effects, but the effect on society is not fully clear.
task response
Make your main ideas more direct. Write one clear cause in each body part and one clear effect in each body part.
task response
Use examples that are more general and more real. Some examples are too long and do not strongly prove the point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some parts feel repeated, and some sentences are too long.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph focus. The third paragraph is about the person, but the fourth should show society more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well: First, Second, As a result, For example, In short.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
You give causes and effects, so you try to answer the full question.
task response
You use examples in each main part, which helps support your ideas.
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