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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.

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The bar chart illustrates data
,
Change preposition
on
show examples
 how to distribute weekly
spent their money
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
in
Linking Words
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 country in 1968 and in 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
,
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
 was the largest average spending
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 food in 1968;
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the graph shows that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fuel and power
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the lowest average spending.
Although
Linking Words
 the
lesisure
Correct your spelling
leisure
 was the highest average spending in 2018, in 1968, there was a small proportion. Meanwhile, the average weekly spending on household goods remain samein 1968 and 2018.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, in 1968, families spend 35% of their money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 food,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 percentage was reduced, and
graph
Correct article usage
the graph
show examples
 shows that it was between 15% and 20% in 2018.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 there was a significant percentage increase
leisure
Change preposition
in leisure
show examples
, which was recorded at over 20% in 2018;
howerver
Correct your spelling
however
, in 1968, it was recorded at nearly 10%.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 spending on
hosehold
Correct your spelling
household
 goods
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 not changed in 1968 and 2018
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 those were recorded at between 7.5%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Weekly income
  • Expenditure
  • Consumption patterns
  • Cost of living
  • Discretionary spending
  • Inflation
  • Economic indicators
  • Demographics
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Technology advancements
  • Government policies
  • Consumerism
  • Lifestyle changes
  • Fiscal habits
  • Budget allocation
  • Financial priorities
  • Societal trends
  • Purchasing power
  • Income distribution
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