IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that in modern society individuals are becoming more dependent on each other, while others say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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It is often argued that a large
the
Correct article usage
apply
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number of
people
Use synonyms
 in many countries are relying on each other,
while
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 some believe that societies are transforming and becoming self-dependent in different terms.
This
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 essay will discuss
the
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apply
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both views before presenting
own
Correct determiner usage
my own
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 opinion. On the one hand, modern societies work through
specialization
Change the spelling
specialisation
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.
People
Use synonyms
 rely on professionals, doctors, education, food, and technology services. These tasks can not be performed by a single person.
For example
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,
people
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 depend on doctors for healthcare, software engineers for digital services, and delivery workers for daily necessities.
Therefore
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, individuals are connected
each
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to each
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 other through a
systametic
Correct your spelling
systematic
 society, which
unknowingly
Verb problem
is unknowingly
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 dependent on
esch
Correct your spelling
each
 other for resources.
On the other hand
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, with the help of technology, individuals can reach out
far
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to far
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more
Rephrase
apply
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wider
level
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apply
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resources and become
specialized
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specialised
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 in different domains.
In other words
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,
people
Use synonyms
 can now learn skills, work remotely, shop online, and manage
finance
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finances
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 without
assitance
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assistance
.
For instance
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,
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
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 of online learning platforms has made it easy to study independently from home.
Additionally
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, in the past
people
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use
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used
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 to live with
the
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apply
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extended families and
relyed
Wrong verb form
relied
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 on others
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
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 nowadays, nuclear families or solo living
became
Wrong verb form
have become
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 more common. In my opinion, modern societies are moving towards
independency
Replace the word
independence
 because most of the
people
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 prefer freedom and convenience. In conclusion, some
people
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 believe that dependency on others has increased,
while
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 opponents think freedom in communities
increasing
Verb problem
is increasing
show examples
 as
people
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 have
moreoptions
Correct your spelling
more options
 to learn and grow individually. I believe tsociety trend is moving in
direction
Correct article usage
the direction
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 of
independency
Replace the word
independence
 because
people
Use synonyms
 like to be independent.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about both views, but the ideas are a bit short.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in one simple sentence in the introduction and again in the conclusion.
task response
Add one more clear example for each side to make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and clear way, like 'first', 'for example', 'however', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word order and grammar mistakes. Keep sentences shorter.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one main idea and then explain it step by step.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples like doctors, online learning, and family life to support ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • interdependence
  • globalized economy
  • collaborative work environments
  • crowd-sourced
  • empowered
  • perception
  • availability
  • autonomy
  • reliance
  • shifted
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