IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It has been argued that the main objective of studying and teaching sciences is to enhance individuals' lives.
This
Linking Words
 essay totally agrees with that because of the lack of sources that can make people's lives better, and the fact that the most ethical purpose of
science
Use synonyms
 is to serve humanity. Many countries suffered from plenty of issues that advanced technology solved
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. These facts are the only
cause
Check wording
reason
show examples
 to deliberate
science
Use synonyms
 as our
savior
Change the spelling
saviour
show examples
 from those problems.
Moreover
Linking Words
, even hard dilemmas can be solved if we count on those technologies.
For example
Linking Words
, the government of Saudi Arabia had a serious problem
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the cultivation methods, which led to a decrease in their crops, and as a solution to
this
Linking Words
 issue, they used an advanced technology that made their crops better. Another reason why we should count on
science
Use synonyms
 to solve our dilemmas is
the
Correct article usage
its
show examples
 pure ethical purpose
of it
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. In fact, there are many individuals who do not see the goal of
science
Use synonyms
 and use it for their own sake.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is not a bad attitude;
however
Linking Words
, there are many citizens who use it for their own businesses and prevent other people from using it.
For instance
Linking Words
, my uncle used to be a bad merchant who tended to keep his knowledge for himself, which led to separate ignorance in the city. In my opinion,
science
Use synonyms
for
Verb problem
is for
show examples
 everyone to serve humanity and increase productivity. In conclusion, the primary goal of
sciences
Correct article usage
the sciences
show examples
 is
seeking
Wrong verb form
to seek
show examples
 better lives for civilians all around the world.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the question more directly all through the essay. You say you fully agree, but some ideas are not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea easy to see. Start each body paragraph with one clear point, then explain it.
task response
Use examples that clearly match your point. The Saudi Arabia example is better than the uncle example, which feels weak for this topic.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler way. Some sentences do not connect well, so the reader may get lost.
task response
Develop your points more. Tell why science improves life in health, food, or daily work.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep the same side in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to use examples to support your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: