IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that this money should be allocated to improving living standards on Earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many
people
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 support the idea of spending
money
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 on
space
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 exploration,
while
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 others think it should be spent on developing life standards. I agree with the statement that supports spending
money
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 to explore the universe more.
This
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 essay will describe both points of view and their arguments.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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 a lot of
money
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 goes to
earth
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 improvement and
space
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 exploration. Some
people
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 are for the idea because it helps us gain knowledge about
earth
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.
Moreover
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, it lets us know about weather conditions and climate changes.
Furthermore
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, it
also
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 enhances living features because when you know what's going on
earth
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 you will build your life and live with it.
For example
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, scientific discoveries benefit us with technology advancments.
For instance
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,
space
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 research every year improves our global positioning system, locating projects and the
Earth
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 map.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 are convinced that the
money
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 should be spent on enhancing living standards
instead
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 of
space
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 exploration. First of all, they think that improving our society and city is more important than any other things becuase there are many poor and developing countries who needs its, and many
people
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 deserve a raise in their salary for their hard work.
For example
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, humanitarian jobs like army soldiers, doctors, firemans and many other valuable jobs need appreciation by developing their salaries.
In addition
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, some governmental property needs fixing and changing, and many cities need development on their facilities that every human needs , like hospitals , supermarkets and schools. In conclusion, I think both views have their own point of view and their reasons. Personally i am for spending
money
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 on exploring
space
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.
Also
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, a balanced approach should be forced because it's necessary to force justice in our world.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. Say why you agree, and keep this view clear in all parts.
task response
Write one clear idea in each part, then add a short reason and one fitting example.
task response
Your essay talks about both sides, but your own view is not strong enough in the body parts.
task response
Use examples that match the point more closely. Some examples are too general or not fully linked.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some links are repeated too much, like 'for example' and 'moreover'.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part focus on one side only, with smoother flow from one sentence to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Check small grammar and word form errors because they can make the meaning less clear.
task response
You gave both views and also gave your own opinion.
task response
Your essay stays on the topic of space and life on Earth.
coherence and cohesion
You included an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used paragraphs, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • space exploration
  • scientific discoveries
  • cutting-edge technology
  • pioneering research
  • socio-economic development
  • improved healthcare
  • education
  • poverty alleviation
  • infrastructure
  • balanced approach
  • cost-effective
  • prioritize
  • allocate
  • resources
  • budget
  • investment
  • sustainable development
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