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Writing Samples
Band 6

El Niño is the name of a warm ocean current that affects weather patterns on both sides of the Pacific Ocean. The diagrams compare normal conditions in the Pacific with El Niño conditions.

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The diagrams illustrate how El Nino impact weather patterns on both sides of the Pacific
Ocean
Use synonyms
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to normal
condition
Check wording
conditions
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that El Nino change not only
change
Verb problem
apply
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weather patterns on both
Use synonyms
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 of the Pacific
Ocean
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 leads to substantial changes in the
ocean
Use synonyms
, ranging from the amounts of nutrients
and
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the population of
fishes
Check wording
fish
show examples
. In normal
condition
Check wording
conditions
show examples
, Australia experiences more rainy
days
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 Peru registers more sunny
days
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
winds
Use synonyms
 on the western
side
Use synonyms
 of
Pacific
Correct article usage
the Pacific
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Ocean
Use synonyms
 are weak,
while
Linking Words
 the trade
winds
Use synonyms
 on the eastern
side
Use synonyms
 are strong.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the bottom of the
ocean
Use synonyms
 on the eastern
side
Use synonyms
 is dominated by cool
water
Use synonyms
 and rich nutrients, resulting in
rising
Correct article usage
a rising
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fishes’
Check wording
fish
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 population. The warm
water
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 moves to
west
Correct article usage
the west
show examples
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, El
Nino
Correct your spelling
Niño
 contributes to diverse changes
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 Australia represents sunny
days
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
 Peru experiences more rainy
days
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
winds
Use synonyms
 on the western
side
Use synonyms
 of the
ocean
Use synonyms
 become strong,
while
Linking Words
 the trade
winds
Use synonyms
 on the eastern
side
Use synonyms
 are weak. Meanwhile, the warm
water
Use synonyms
 is pushed eastwards, leading to
reducing
Replace the word
a reduction in
 nutrients, thereby fishes’ population decline
and
Change preposition
of the fish population and
show examples
warm
Verb problem
making warm
show examples
water
Use synonyms
become
Verb problem
a
show examples
 dominant part of the east.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the storm clouds move from west to east.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words ocean, side, days, winds, water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moves" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trade winds
  • upwelling
  • nutrient-rich
  • marine life
  • fisheries
  • thunderstorms
  • weather patterns
  • suppress
  • coral bleaching
  • livelihoods
  • natural disasters
  • emergency response systems
  • economic stability
  • biodiversity
  • crop yields
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