IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many foods are shipped from far away. Some people think that eating local food is more environmentally and economically. Do you think the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

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Some believe that eating regional
food
Use synonyms
 is a better environmental and
economical
Replace the word
economic
 option than eating
foods
Use synonyms
 shipped from distant regions and countries.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both these options, and I will explain the reason why I believe the pros of interstate or international
trade
Use synonyms
 of
foods
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 outweigh its cons. Eating
food
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 locally grown helps farmers and distributors of farm-based products to maintain their businesses. Local crops are easy to grow, as the environmental conditions
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as the weather and soil conditions, required to cultivate them are present, making it an
environment-friendly
Replace the word
environmentally friendly
 practice.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 makes it economical as all the stakeholders involved in the process are aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 how to make financially-sound decisions
due to
Linking Words
 familiarity with what they are dealing with.
However
Linking Words
, excessive reliance on regional
food
Use synonyms
 might be harmful as it could promote the monoculture of local crops.
This
Linking Words
 could eventually deteriorate the quality of the soil, negatively affecting many businesses. Imports and exports of international
foods
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 and crops
facilitates
Correct subject-verb agreement
facilitate
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 globalisation and improve
trade
Use synonyms
 relations between countries. It
also
Linking Words
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 consumers a wider range of products to choose from. It might sometimes allow masses to try a variety of
foods
Use synonyms
 that they were not familiar with. The recent hype around matcha across the world implies how shipping
Use synonyms
foods
Check wording
food
show examples
 internationally could be advantageous.
However
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,
such
Linking Words
trade
Use synonyms
 deals could be expensive and tricky
due to
Linking Words
 taxes, global politics and international regulations.
Additionally
Linking Words
, these foreign
food
Use synonyms
 items might cause health concerns among some individuals
due to
Linking Words
 their poor quality or conditions
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as allergies.
Although
Linking Words
 eating local
food
Use synonyms
 is an eco-friendly and economical decision, eating
food
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 shipped from far away is a better alternative in the long run. It could strengthen businesses and produce
large
Correct article usage
a large
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 number of jobs across the world. It could help countries learn more about each other, enhancing global harmony.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that the pros of
trade
Use synonyms
 outweigh its disadvantages.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in the first paragraph. You say local food is good, but your view is that food from far away is better. State this in a more direct way.
task response
Stay closer to the question. The topic asks if the good points of eating local food are more than the bad points, but much of your essay talks about why imported food is good. Compare local food more directly.
task response
Give one more clear example for local food and one more for food from far away. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Some ideas are good but not fully explained. For example, the point about soil damage from one crop needs a little more support.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape: intro, 2 body parts, and end. Keep this strong plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some are good, like 'However' and 'Therefore', but a few sentences feel long and hard to follow. Split long sentences into two.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each body paragraph has one clear main focus. In body 1, keep the focus on local food. In body 2, keep the focus on food from far away.
coherence and cohesion
Check small grammar points that affect flow, like 'provide' not 'provide', and 'large numbers of jobs'. These small fixes will make your ideas easier to read.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion in the end.
task response
You include both sides, which shows balanced thinking.
task response
The matcha example is specific and helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because it has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linkers like 'However', 'Additionally', and 'Therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear topic, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon emissions
  • transportation
  • environmentally friendly
  • economically beneficial
  • local farmers
  • local economy
  • fresher
  • nutritious
  • food security
  • imports
  • preserving
  • traditional farming practices
  • biodiversity
  • limited variety
  • availability
  • cost
  • contributor
What to do next:
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