IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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While
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 some believe that advertising
encouarges
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encourages
people
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 to buy
thing
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things
show examples
 that they do not require, others think that they tell about goods that could make our lives better. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both these views and explain
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 for luring us to purchase
products
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 we do not need.
Advertisements
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 are usually designed to showcase the features of the
products
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. They provide a short, appealing visual description, helping
people
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 understand how the product could make their lives easier. They are produced in a manner that
people
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 can easily recall
the
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them
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.
For example
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, an advertisement for a washing machine might explain its various features and its use,
by
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apply
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mostly focusing on how it would help the consumer avoid the manual effort involved in hand-washing dirty laundry.
On the contrary
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,
advertisements
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 could subconsiously trick us into buying items that we do not need. Sometimes, they are thoughtfully curated to depict how good the product is, without informing the price or the potential
ill-effects
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ill effects
 of the product. They
potray
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portray
 how the
products
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 could change the perception of
people
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, nudging insecure individuals to make a purchase. So, they could push
people
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 to make costly purchases or tempt them to buy harmful
products
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.
For example
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,
advertisements
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 for fairness creams claim that one can get fairer, contradicting the results of various research papers that have proven evidence that
suggest
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suggests
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otherwise
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.
Therefore
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, I believe that
advertisements
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 might
unitentionally
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unintentionally
 tempt consumers to buy
products
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. They help to spread the word about how certain goods could simplify our lives, but they could
subconciously
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subconsciously
 pressure us to make
purchase
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purchases
show examples
 we might not be able to afford
or
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, or
show examples
 that might have some ill-effects on our physical or mental health.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Answer all parts of the question in a more direct way. You discuss both sides, but your own side should be stronger and easier to see.
task response
Develop each main idea a little more. Add one more line to explain why the point is true.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully so the essay moves in a smooth way from one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Some lines are not fully clear because of word choice or small grammar mistakes. Keep sentences simple and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each body paragraph has one main point and strong support for it.
task response
You answer the topic and discuss both views.
task response
You give examples, such as the washing machine and fairness cream.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, body, and end.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow most of the time.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
What to do next:
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