Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?

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In today's world, an increasing number of people are relocating to foreign countries compared to the past. Some believe that in order to adjust to the local community of new countries, immigrants should give up their traditions and adjust to societal expectations.
Although
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I agree to some extent, I
also
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believe that to become a part of a new nation, a migrant can respect their new social norms
while
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preserving their own established
principals
Use the right word
principles
show examples
. One of the primary reasons why I support
this
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view is that individuals who have recently moved to a new country will easily adjust to the new cultural environment
while
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adopting local cultural values.
This
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is mainly because they will see themselves as a part of a new nation.
As a result
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, foreigner will not miss their back home festivals they grew up with because they can participate in the celebration of the local community.
For example
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, Canada is a diverse country, and Christmas is a famous tradition
that is
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celebrated on a larger scale ; in order to enjoy
this
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, people get holidays for certain days. The newcomers who integrate into
this
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new culture start participating in
this
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occasion, even though they were not used to celebrating it back in their country.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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by adopting new countries' traditions, they feel connected
However
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, I do not believe that newcomers should completely abandon their traditional norms and customs.
This
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is because it can lead to loss of their cultural identity.
For instance
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, many immigrant families continue enjoying their own traditional festivals and speaking their native language
while
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contributing positively to their new society.
As a result
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, multicultural societies can benefit from cultural diversity without harming social unity. In conclusion,
although
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both perspectives have their merits, I strongly believe that completely giving up one's own cultural traditions is not an ideal way to integrate into a new cultural environment because migrant will lose their culture in the long run.
Moreover
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, they can strike a balance between old and new cultural beliefs,
while
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accepting new local customs.

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task response
Give a more clear answer from the start. You say you agree to some extent, but later you strongly say no to full change. Keep one clear line all through the essay.
task response
Develop your first main idea more. Explain more how new customs help real daily life, not only feelings.
task response
Use more direct and full examples. The Canada and Christmas example is good, but it needs more detail and a closer link to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph flow more smoothly. Some ideas jump too fast, so add simple linking words and clearer topic sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection and grammar, because some parts make the meaning less clear, such as 'principals' and 'foreigner will not miss'.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in one sentence when possible. A few long sentences are hard to follow.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, body paragraphs, and ending.
task response
You use an example to support your point, which helps your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • integrate into society
  • local customs
  • codes of behaviour
  • adapt to
  • abandon old ways
  • cultural identity
  • sense of belonging
  • daily life
  • public rules
  • social norms
  • fit in
  • keep traditions
  • family ties
  • mental health
  • cultural diversity
  • two-way process
  • mutual respect
  • follow the law
  • private life
  • community support
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