Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?

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In today's world, an increasing number of people are relocating to foreign countries compared to the past. Some believe that in order to adjust to the local community of new countries, immigrants should give up their traditions and adjust to societal expectations.
Although
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I agree to some extent, I
also
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believe that to become a part of a new nation, a migrant can respect their new social norms
while
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preserving their own established
principals
Use the right word
principles
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. One of the primary reasons why I support
this
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view is that individuals who have recently moved to a new country will easily adjust to the new cultural environment
while
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adopting local cultural values.
This
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is mainly because they will see themselves as a part of a new nation.
As a result
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, foreigner will not miss their back home festivals they grew up with because they can participate in the celebration of the local community.
For example
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, Canada is a diverse country, and Christmas is a famous tradition
that is
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celebrated on a larger scale ; in order to enjoy
this
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, people get holidays for certain days. The newcomers who integrate into
this
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new culture start participating in
this
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occasion, even though they were not used to celebrating it back in their country.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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by adopting new countries' traditions, they feel connected
However
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, I do not believe that newcomers should completely abandon their traditional norms and customs.
This
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is because it can lead to loss of their cultural identity.
For instance
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, many immigrant families continue enjoying their own traditional festivals and speaking their native language,
while
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contributing positively to their new society.
As a result
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, multicultural societies can benefit from cultural diversity without harming social unity.
Furthermore
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,
by
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apply
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respecting their own food, language and dress will make their transition smooth into
new
Correct article usage
the new
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community. In conclusion,
although
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both perspectives have their merits, I strongly believe that completely giving up one's own cultural traditions is not an ideal way to integrate into a new cultural environment because migrant will feel lost and stressed in the long run.
Moreover
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, they can strike a balance between old and new cultural beliefs,
while
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accepting new local customs.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say you agree to some extent, but later you strongly support balance. Keep one clear line all through the essay.
task response
Answer the full question more directly. Say clearly why immigrants should not fully give up old ways, and when they should follow local rules.
task response
Add one more clear and real example to support your second main idea about keeping culture.
task response
Some ideas are good but not fully explained. After each main point, add one or two lines to show how and why it happens.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion. This is good. But some links between ideas are weak, so the flow is not always smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in a careful way, like 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'therefore'. Do not overuse them.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word choice or grammar, such as 'they feel connected'. Finish the idea fully and clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one topic in each paragraph. In body 1, focus only on adapting to local customs. In body 2, focus only on keeping old culture.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant to the question.
task response
You use an example about Canada and Christmas, which helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'however', 'for example', and 'therefore' to connect ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • integrate into society
  • local customs
  • codes of behaviour
  • adapt to
  • abandon old ways
  • cultural identity
  • sense of belonging
  • daily life
  • public rules
  • social norms
  • fit in
  • keep traditions
  • family ties
  • mental health
  • cultural diversity
  • two-way process
  • mutual respect
  • follow the law
  • private life
  • community support
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