IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People will buy a product if it has quality or fulfil their needs. There is no need for advertisement. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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some
Fix capitalization
Some
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 argue that high-quality products that fulfil consumer needs do not require advertising
,
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.
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 I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement. In the modern market, advertising is an absolute necessity for both brand awareness and sustained corporate growth. The primary factor that separates highly successful corporations from their competitors is
a
Correct article usage
the
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 consumer's ability to relate to the brand on a personal level. Advertising makes
this
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 connection possible by acting as a medium to showcase products to a global audience. Luxury brands,
such
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 as Gucci and Prada, clearly recognise
this
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 intrinsic value; despite selling exceptionally high-quality goods, they still allocate massive budgets toward product promotion to maintain their market dominance.
Furthermore
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, advertising is a vital survival tool for small businesses. Family-run enterprises often lack the vast resources of major corporations.
Consequently
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, even if their products are entirely genuine and of superior quality, these businesses can easily face bankruptcy
due to
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 a lack of market visibility. Effective marketing bridges
this
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 gap.
For instance
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, high-profile celebrity endorsements,
such
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 as musicians purchasing millions of dollars in advertising space during major sporting events, consistently result in rapid product sell-outs.
While
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 quality certainly holds value, it cannot generate maximum revenue without the visibility that advertising provides. In conclusion, I firmly believe that consumers are heavily influenced by marketing.Regardless of a product's inherent quality, advertising remains a critical tool for accelerating company growth and maximising global brand visibility.

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coherence cohesion
Make your second main idea more full. The part about small business is a bit short.
coherence cohesion
Use one clear topic sentence in each body part, then add support after it.
task achievement
Explain your example more clearly. The point about music stars and sport events is not easy to follow.
task achievement
Add a short idea about the other side, then show why you still disagree.
coherence cohesion
Check small grammar and space errors, for example after a full stop.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, two body parts, and a clear end.
task achievement
Your position is clear from the start and stays the same.
task achievement
You use examples of big brands to support your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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