IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Sme people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reason for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

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Living closer to one's place of birth has currently become a major concern among many
people
Use synonyms
. Some individuals spend most
time
Correct determiner usage
of their time
show examples
 in the
environment
Use synonyms
 where they were born due
family
Change preposition
to family
show examples
attatchment
Correct your spelling
attachment
, lack of opportunity,
comfort
Correct word choice
and comfort
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there are many
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why one would prefer staying where they were born, I will
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
discuss the advantages and the disadvantages. One advantage
why
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
Use synonyms
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 close to where they were born is
attatchment
Correct your spelling
attachment
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 case, they
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
already have a bond
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 with the said
environment
Use synonyms
 and always feel there is no need
leaving there
Wrong verb form
to leave
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is more like their comfort zone. They tend to enjoy everything going on in the
environment
Use synonyms
 and
already
Verb problem
are already
show examples
 familiar with every activity, leaving there may look like punishment to them because they assume they may thrive anywhere if not that
environment
Use synonyms
 they were given birth to.
For instance
Linking Words
, a man who has lived in my
resident
Replace the word
residence
 for thirty six years and has no plan of moving was given a property the other day as the oldest tenant
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 trusts the estate. They benefit trusts from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
people
Use synonyms
. They tend to have
a first hand
Correct determiner usage
firsthand
show examples
 information too in that kind of situation.
While
Linking Words
 there are so many disadvantages to living close to where
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
you
born
Verb problem
were born
show examples
,
I'll
Correct your spelling
I'd
 like to point out that it may breed
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of opportunity and
looks like
Check wording
a sense of
show examples
 being stuck.
People
Use synonyms
 have higher chances of employing
who
Correct pronoun usage
someone who
show examples
 is new to a place than a person who has stayed
overtime
Use the right word
over time
show examples
. They mostly assume the person who has stayed doesn't have value and might have seen how the company started and the
structure
Punctuation problem
structure,
show examples
 because they are close to the place.
For example
Linking Words
: A young man who kept applying to a company in the neighbourhood even when he is over qualified for the job and when the human resource was asked their reason for declining his application, the reason they gave was nothing to write home about, stated that he stays in the same location and saw how the foundation of the company was done and mostly familiar with the workers, that he may not take the job seriously. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there are lots of
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 and
disadavantage
Check wording
disadvantages
show examples
 to living in an
environment
Use synonyms
 close to you, I suggest that everyone do what works for them.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly: reasons, good points, and bad points.
task response
Make your main ideas simple and clear in each body paragraph.
task response
Give examples that are easy to understand and closely linked to your point.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like because, so, also, but, and for example.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order, so each idea follows the last one in a natural way.
task response
You answered the question and wrote about reasons, good points, and bad points.
task response
You used examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear overall topic in each paragraph.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Familiarity
  • Community ties
  • Economic constraints
  • Multigenerational housing
  • Cultural norms
  • Sense of belonging
  • Social circle
  • Long-term friendships
  • Proximity
  • Hesitance
  • Relocate
  • Local culture
What to do next:
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