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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the average monthly maximum temperatures for three Australian cities in the year 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar graph compares the highest climate change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 three distinct cities in Australia over a twelve-
month
Use synonyms
 period.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Darwin
Use synonyms
 recorded the largest proportion of temperature throughout the calendar year.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 recorded the lowest
proportion of
Check wording
apply
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temperature during the
month
Use synonyms
 of July, at precisely 13.4
degrees
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
Darwin
Use synonyms
 recorded the largest figure in the same
month
Use synonyms
, at roughly 30.5
degrees
Use synonyms
 Celsius.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in the
month
Use synonyms
 of March, the temperature of Perth and
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 remained identical, at 23.8
degrees
Use synonyms
,
despite
Correct word choice
while
show examples
Darwin
Use synonyms
,
in particular
Linking Words
, remained
on
Change preposition
at the
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 top of the graph with 31.9
degrees
Use synonyms
 Celsius, across that
month
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in the first seven months of the calendar year, warmth in
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 and Perth gradually decreased.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
Darwin
Use synonyms
's weather was unpredictable throughout the year.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in all three cities, temperatures surged between August and November. Noticable ups and downs in weather change
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 recorded in the
month
Use synonyms
 of December, for all cities. To summarise, over the period,
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 recorded the lowest temperatures
,
Punctuation problem
;
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in contrast
Linking Words
,
Darwin
Use synonyms
 witnessed the highest record of temperatures.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words darwin, melbourne, month, degrees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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