IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting hapiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards hapiness?

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Ongoing debate regarding whether financial strength is important
fo
Correct your spelling
for
 happiness or not often
sprks
Correct your spelling
sparks
 a controversy among top academics.
Linking Words
while
Fix capitalization
While
show examples
 some bodies think that
poccessing
Correct your spelling
procuring
 more funds is crucial for spending a happy
life
Use synonyms
, many believe that it's not
part
Correct article usage
a part
show examples
 and parcel or guarantee of a delightful
life
Use synonyms
.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 my viewpoint second argument sounds more convincing as there are several other irreplaceable aspects that can make you feel
exhillirated
Correct your spelling
exhilarated
.
Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
show examples
 essay will discuss both perspectives in detail.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, proponents of
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 argument largely support it because they believe that individuals with
strong
Correct word choice
high
show examples
 income can lead the world.
For instance
Linking Words
, a
parson
Correct your spelling
person
 who owns a big house,
afford
Verb problem
can afford
show examples
 house
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
, drives
luxuery
Correct your spelling
luxury
 cars,
wears
Correct word choice
and wears
show examples
 branded clothes will undoubtedly rule
this
Linking Words
 world
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 he will be most happy person for good.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
materialisam
Correct your spelling
materialism
 is encouraged
upto
Correct your spelling
to
 the level that nowadays, people think that if
u dont
Correct your spelling
you don't
 have money in your pocket and
not
Verb problem
are not
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
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 survival mode, staying blissful becomes a nightmare. those who argue that heavy accounts
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not the
assurity
Correct your spelling
assurance
 of happiness.
Linking Words
firstly
Fix capitalization
Firstly
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, being contented of whatever you have is central to real joyful
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 their bent of mind, not every person
born
Verb problem
is born
show examples
 with legacies or with
silver
Correct article usage
a silver
show examples
 spoon. Staying diligent and hard working
while
Linking Words
 staying self-sufficient is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 key of elated
life
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
jubilent
Correct article usage
a jubilent
show examples
 is a person who knows his true strength,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
sense of
pride
Punctuation problem
pride,
show examples
 can never be achieved by already available items or money.
it's
Fix capitalization
It's
show examples
 only achievable by dedication and
persevarence
Correct your spelling
perseverance
. In conclusion, we may assert that heavy accounts is noyt the requirement for

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Say clearly if people can be happy without much money, and add more on other things that bring happiness.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea easy to see in each paragraph. Start each body paragraph with one clear point.
task response
Give examples that are real and clear. Some examples now are too general.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words like first, also, for example, and in conclusion to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Write a full conclusion. Your last line is cut and does not finish the essay well.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic, which helps answer the question.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear intro, body paragraphs, and a conclusion start.
task response
You try to support ideas with examples and reasons.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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