Some people believe that children should be raised by their parents alone, while others think that the involvement of extended family members is important.

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its common believed that
children
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should be
only raised
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raised only
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by their
parents
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only
Rephrase
apply
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,
were as
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whereas
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others
thinks
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think
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that extended family members have an important role.
in
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In
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my opinion,
although
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parents
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are mainly
reponsible
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responsible
for raising
children
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, support from relatives can
also
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be beneficial.
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firstly
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Firstly
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, many people think that
parents
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should
rise
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raise
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their
children
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by themselves.
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this
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This
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is because
parents
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understand their
children
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better and can teach them the values and
behaviors
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behaviours
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they believe are important.
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furthermore
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Furthermore
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, having fewer people involved in raising kids may reduce disagreements and
confuion
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confusion
.
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for
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For
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example, some
parents
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allow their
children
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to play video games once
but
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, but
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others think that negative
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
and may reduce the agreement between the
parents
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.
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on
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On
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the other hand, some people saw that relatives should
also
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be involved in raising
children
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.
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this
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This
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is for several reasons.
grandparents
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Grandparents
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can share their life
experience
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experiences
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and teach them good values and traditions.
more over
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Moreover
,
realatives
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relatives
can assist
parents
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in raising
children
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by
takining
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taking
care of
kids
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the kids
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when they are busy.
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for
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For
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instance, most
of
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apply
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parents
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they
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apply
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are busy with work during the week
but
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, but
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the grandparents are always available. In conclusion,
although
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parents
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are mainly responsible for raising
children
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,
i
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I
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believe that
involvement
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the involvement
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of relatives can
also
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be very helpful for
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children
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children's
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development.

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task response
For task response, answer both sides more fully. You show both views and your opinion, but some ideas are short.
task response
For task response, give clearer examples. Your examples are relevant, but they need more detail to feel strong and real.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. This is good, but some sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and word choice.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, link ideas more clearly. Use simple links like 'however', 'also', 'for example', and 'because' in the right place.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, develop each main point more. Some points are stated, but not well explained.
task response
You answer the topic and give your own opinion clearly.
task response
You discuss both parents and extended family, so your response is balanced.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic paragraphing and some linking words like 'firstly', 'on the other hand', and 'in conclusion'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
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