IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below show the percentage of time working adukts spent on different activities in a particular cuontry in 1958 and 2008.

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The pie charts show information about the percentage of
time
Use synonyms
 working
adults
Use synonyms
 spent on different activities
such
Linking Words
 as Sleeping,
Traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to work,Working,Relaxing,
Going
Fix capitalization
going
show examples
 out ,and Others
in
Linking Words
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 nation from 1958 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, Working was popular
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
adults
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
 they spent a few
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
 of
Use synonyms
time
Correct determiner usage
their time
show examples
 on other activities
such
Linking Words
 as hobbies and playing
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
 during the period. In 1958, per
day
Use synonyms
 the high percentage of
time
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 spent on working and Sleeping , 33 % and 32% respectively.Notably,
adults
Use synonyms
 spent 19% of their
time
Use synonyms
 in a
day
Use synonyms
 on meeting with their friends or families,
while
Linking Words
 they spent twice
lower
Correct word choice
as low
show examples
 (8% ) on relaxing at home. As for travelling to
work
Punctuation problem
work,
show examples
 they spent only 2% of
Use synonyms
time
Correct determiner usage
their time
show examples
 every
day
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 on
others
Check wording
other days
show examples
 they spent troubled higher of
time
Use synonyms
 (6%). In 2008, working was still popular
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
Use synonyms
adults
Punctuation problem
adults,
show examples
 in which they spent 42% of
Use synonyms
time
Correct determiner usage
their time
show examples
 every
day
Use synonyms
 . On sleeping and relaxing at
home
Punctuation problem
home,
show examples
 they spent 25% and 13% of
Use synonyms
time
Correct determiner usage
their time
show examples
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
. For going out with friends or
families
Punctuation problem
families,
show examples
 they spent similar
like on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other activities (for hobbies and playing
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
) per
day
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such, while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, adults, day with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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