nowadays , a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medecine and treatments instead of visiting doctor. do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In recent years ,
nation
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nations
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treat well-being problems by
self khnowledge
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self-knowledge medicine
medecine
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instead
Linking Words
of visting specialist professor. I personally believe that some of
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medecine
Punctuation problem
medecine,
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if any patient take it wothout doctor's precpective fitness risk.
Linking Words
this
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This
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will delay
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medecine
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medicine
and proper treatment. On the one hand, nemerous of nation utilize not granted
medicine
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Use synonyms
medecine
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apply
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instead
Linking Words
visting actual doctor.
Moreover
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, our grandmother has special traditional
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medecine
Correct your spelling
medicine
that have positive effect on health
cure
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care
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.
In addition
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,
Linking Words
also
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medicine can also
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medecine
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can solve
the
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apply
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diseases
at that
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in the
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future ,
although
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,
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apply
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some
preference
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preferred
treatments had a negative impact on people's well-being.
However
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, severalcommunity who believe in selection
medecine
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they waste their life ,energy and money .
For instance
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, some research in the
the
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apply
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UK said that a number of mother they feed their children substitute
medicine
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can lead to huge health
problemshardiness
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problems
for a long future .
On the other hand
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, in the
last
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decade , the nation has real financial duties , neverthless visting physician and
taken
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taking
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the drugs
it
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apply
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cost
alot
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a lot
of money for citizens who have a limited budget .
Moreover
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, development
for
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apply
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of social media , specialy on fettle care
a
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, a
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large number of scientist provide their experince among social platforms. Because of that , people who have strength care apply find it easy consultation by chating surgeon through online chat
through
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on
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smartphones.
For example
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, in Dubai in 2026, one of the skin intern give a quick whitening cream to some women have a magically glowing skin , rather than others who destroyed their facial skin . In conclusion, visiting
a
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an
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expert is more
benficial
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beneficial
to have good bloom. Some of the alternative
medecine
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enhance our
hardihood
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health
for a long
moment
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time
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.Online consultation is not for all health problems ,
while
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several types of
medicine
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have benefits for some poeople nether others.The government has put a nemerous free of charge hospital so you can visit a doctor and get proper
medicine
Use synonyms

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task response
Give your main idea more clearly in the first part. Say if this trend is good or bad in a direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part have one clear main point only. This will help your answer stay on topic.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some points are there, but they are hard to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words like first, also, however, and in conclusion. Do not use too many ideas in one long sentence.
task response
Your examples are helpful, but make them more clear and more closely linked to your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Put similar ideas together in one paragraph. This will make the essay easier to follow.
task response
You answered the question and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You used an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to add examples from the UK and Dubai.
coherence and cohesion
There is a basic paragraph order, so the reader can follow your essay at a general level.
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