Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development, while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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here
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There
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is an ongoing debate over where children should
study
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for better progress.
While
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some believe home is the best place for their enhancement, I agree with those who argue that it is crucial for them to contribute
at
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to
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school
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lessons. It is understandable why some prefer homeschooling rather than
traditional
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the traditional
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method, since it offers several advantages.
Firstly
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, they can
study
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only subjects that they are interested
.
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in.
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In
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school
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the school
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curriculum, learners have to
study
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all given subjects, which can
led
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lead
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to mental pressure in some cases.
However
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, home-based education
allow
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allows
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them to learn more effectively
through
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by
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providing individual teaching.
Additionally
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,it provides
more
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a more
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secure and convenient environment, protecting them from
negative
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the negative
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influence of their classmates,
such
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as bullying. It is evident in some students
,
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apply
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who
feels
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feel
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anxious and nervous
due to
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the pressure of their peers. So, they prefer homeschooling to avoid
from that type of
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such
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situations. That notwithstanding, I think attending
school
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plays a crucial role for
childrens
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children's
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development in terms of learning some valuable skills like
team-work
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teamwork
and communication. Schools often provide opportunities for them to interact with their classmates, or
working
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work
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in a group. And those
,
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apply
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who participated in these activities are prone to build confidence and develop socially.
Also
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,
instead
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of learning alone, it is better
fo
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for
them to
reach a
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make
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progress in a competition with others.
For instance
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, if you
study
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alone, there is nothing to invigorate you
, meanwhile
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; meanwhile,
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you start to complete tasks naturally, because of the desire to be
leader
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the leader
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of the class. In healthy competition, learners support each
others
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other
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in order to
galvanize
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galvanise
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them to
study
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harder.
To sum up
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, both homeschooling and
school
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education have several benefits, but I consider traditional education
is
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to be
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more effective, since children can enhance both personally and socially
in
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apply
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there.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You explain home study and school, but some ideas are short.
task response
Give one clear example for each main idea. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in the middle and end of the essay, not only in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some sentences do not flow well from one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in one paragraph, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check pronouns and small grammar links like 'they', 'them', 'those'. Sometimes the reader may not know who you mean.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most main points are easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personalized learning
  • Flexible learning pace
  • Family bonding
  • Negative influences
  • Socialization opportunities
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Cultural awareness
  • Qualified teachers
  • Curriculum
  • Homeschooling
  • Traditional schools
  • Diverse group of peers
  • Empathy
  • Peer pressure
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