Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solution can you suggest?

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Criminal activity has increased in recent years after
offenders
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complete their prison sentences. Many ex-
offenders
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break the law again shortly after being released.
This
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essay will discuss the causes of criminal behaviour, which include unemployment and lack of
rehabilitation
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, and suggest possible solutions. One of the main causes of reoffending is social problems, particularly unemployment, which negatively affects individuals and society.
For example
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, in Germany, 55% of current
offenders
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have previously been convicted, reflecting the ineffectiveness of
such
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punishments.
This
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is mainly because incarceration simply removes criminals from society rather than addressing the underlying causes,
such
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as their behaviour and mindset.
As a result
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, many
offenders
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return to crime after
release
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.
In addition
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, there are several solutions that can address
this
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issue.
Rehabilitation
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programs,
as well as
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educational and vocational training provided in prison, could significantly reduce the likelihood of
offenders
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committing
further
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crimes after
release
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.
This
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is especially important in modern society, where reintegration is essential. If governments implement effective training programs, public safety would improve significantly.
For instance
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, in the UK, vocational training and
rehabilitation
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programs are offered during imprisonment, helping former prisoners find employment after
release
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.
Therefore
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, they are less likely to reoffend and can rebuild their lives. In conclusion, crime after
release
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is mainly caused by unemployment and lack of
rehabilitation
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.
Therefore
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, governments should focus on providing effective training and support during imprisonment to reduce reoffending rates.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain causes and solutions, but you can add one more clear cause or one more step in the solution.
task response
Make your ideas deeper. Some points are clear, but a few parts are a bit general, like 'modern society' and 'mindset'. Explain these more simply and clearly.
task response
Use examples that feel more direct and clear. The Germany and UK examples help, but they need a bit more detail or a clearer link to your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this shape because it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. A few sentences jump too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Build each main point with one clear topic sentence and one clear support sentence. This will make your argument stronger.
task response
You answer the question and talk about both causes and solutions.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and easy to understand.
task response
You use examples to support your points, which is good for the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well organized into paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'for example', 'in addition', and 'therefore' well.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Reintegrate
  • Social stigma
  • Recidivism
  • Criminal records
  • Ex-offender
  • Associations
  • Comprehensive
  • Workforce
  • Mentoring
  • Incentivize
  • Stigmatize
  • Subsidies
  • Legitimate
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