IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solution can you suggest?

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Introduction
Criminal activity has increased in recent years after
offenders
Use synonyms
 complete their prison sentences. Many ex-
offenders
Use synonyms
 break the law again shortly after being released.
This
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 essay will discuss the causes of criminal behaviour, which include unemployment and lack of
rehabilitation
Use synonyms
, and suggest possible solutions.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main causes of reoffending is social problems, particularly unemployment, which negatively affects individuals and society.
For example
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, in Germany, 55% of current
offenders
Use synonyms
 have previously been convicted, reflecting the ineffectiveness of
such
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 punishments.
This
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 is mainly because incarceration simply removes criminals from society rather than addressing the underlying causes,
such
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 as their behaviour and mindset.
As a result
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, many
offenders
Use synonyms
 return to crime after
release
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
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, there are several solutions that can address
this
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 issue.
Rehabilitation
Use synonyms
 programs,
as well as
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 educational and vocational training provided in prison, could significantly reduce the likelihood of
offenders
Use synonyms
 committing
further
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 crimes after
release
Use synonyms
.
This
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 is especially important in modern society, where reintegration is essential. If governments implement effective training programs, public safety would improve significantly.
For instance
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, in the UK, vocational training and
rehabilitation
Use synonyms
 programs are offered during imprisonment, helping former prisoners find employment after
release
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, they are less likely to reoffend and can rebuild their lives.
Conclusion
In conclusion, crime after
release
Use synonyms
 is mainly caused by unemployment and lack of
rehabilitation
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, governments should focus on providing effective training and support during imprisonment to reduce reoffending rates.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain causes and solutions, but you can add one more clear cause or one more step in the solution.
task response
Make your ideas deeper. Some points are clear, but a few parts are a bit general, like 'modern society' and 'mindset'. Explain these more simply and clearly.
task response
Use examples that feel more direct and clear. The Germany and UK examples help, but they need a bit more detail or a clearer link to your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this shape because it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. A few sentences jump too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Build each main point with one clear topic sentence and one clear support sentence. This will make your argument stronger.
task response
You answer the question and talk about both causes and solutions.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and easy to understand.
task response
You use examples to support your points, which is good for the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well organized into paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'for example', 'in addition', and 'therefore' well.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Reintegrate
  • Social stigma
  • Recidivism
  • Criminal records
  • Ex-offender
  • Associations
  • Comprehensive
  • Workforce
  • Mentoring
  • Incentivize
  • Stigmatize
  • Subsidies
  • Legitimate
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