IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
As the need for more
houses
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
, more and more
houses
Use synonyms
 are build on the
countryside
Use synonyms
. Many people believe that it is not a good idea to build new
houses
Use synonyms
 in the urban
areas
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 is getting more populated and trees are
cut
Verb problem
being cut
show examples
 down to build new homes. First of all, urban
areas
Use synonyms
 are getting increasingly populated nowadays. Many people wish to settle down in the
countryside
Use synonyms
, and the need for building new
houses
Use synonyms
 is increasing day by day.
As a result
Linking Words
, there is an
Use synonyms
increase
Replace the word
increased
 demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 resources in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 because there are more people living in the
countryside
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
city
Correct article usage
a city
show examples
 like Karachi is facing
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of water and natural gas
due to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in its population in recent times.
This
Linking Words
 causes
Use synonyms
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in inflation and affects the
economical
Replace the word
economic
 development of a country.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a lot of trees are cut down in order to build new homes in the urban
areas
Use synonyms
. Deforestation can damage the natural environment, which can affect the
overall
Linking Words
 health of the residents of that area.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is an
increase
Use synonyms
 in global warming because there are
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 plants and more buildings in the
countryside
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many urban
areas
Use synonyms
 look less attractive
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of greenery and trees. To sum it up, in my opinion, it is very important to protect the
countryside
Use synonyms
 and not build more
houses
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can stop deforestation and preserve the natural environment.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 these
areas
Use synonyms
 will be less populated
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can reduce the demand for more resources.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Stay on one main idea all the time. Your essay says countryside should be protected, but some body parts talk about urban areas. This makes your opinion less clear.
task response
Answer the full question more directly. Explain why homes are needed and why protecting the countryside is still more important.
task response
Use more clear and full support for each main point. Some ideas are short and need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one clear topic. Now, ideas about city, countryside, trees, and resources are mixed.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Words like first, moreover, and as a result are used, but some sentences do not connect in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice that affects meaning. 'Urban areas' is used many times when you seem to mean 'countryside'. This confuses the reader.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Your opinion is given and repeated in the conclusion.
task response
You use an example about Karachi, which helps support your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Ecological benefits
  • Biodiversity conservation
  • Carbon sequestration
  • Sustainable development
  • Eco-friendly building materials
  • Green architecture
  • Government policies
  • Urban sprawl
  • Infrastructure
  • Smart planning
  • Agricultural lands
  • Rural areas
  • Population growth
  • Environmental sensitivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: