IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say it is more important to plant trees in the open spaces in towns and cities than to build more housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is commonly argued that it is essential to plant
trees
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 in the green areas in towns and
cities
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 rather than
housing
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in housing
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 developments. Personally, I can neither completely agree nor disagree with
this
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 view for a variety of reasons. I partly agree that expanding green spaces plays a vital role in terms of environmental and health benefits. It is because of the reduction of air pollution, especially carbon
emissions
Punctuation problem
emissions,
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 caused by many factors
such
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 as heavy traffic
,
Correct word choice
and
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 industrial activities.
Furthermore
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, many
cities
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 without
trees
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 are facing massive climate impacts, leaving the local authorities struggling to find effective solutions. In fact,
trees
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 act as natural filters in order to diminish the consequences of the “greenhouse effect” and environmental issues.
For example
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, many
cities
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 with high tree density are clearly making for a more livable environment.
On the other hand
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, the necessity of building more housing is undeniable
due to
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 the growing population in urban
centers
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centres
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.
Firstly
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, more people migrate to
cities
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 in search of employment, having opportunities to
advance
Verb problem
access
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 good services, and the demand for accommodation is at an all - time high.
Therefore
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, if city planners do not
prioritize
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prioritise
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 residential development, the shortage of housing in
cities
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 will lead to unsustainable living conditions.
Secondly
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, lack of housing supplies will increase the standards in order to enhance their cost
-
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of
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 living by affording personal expenses.
For instance
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, research shows that poverty is getting more widespread in almost all big
cities
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 and capitals, which means citizens have to pay their taxes
for
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to
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 governments in order to feed the homeless. In conclusion, it is widely thought that both planting
trees
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 and constructing new housing are essential for urban development. Green areas can help maintain a clean environment for citizens
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whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
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 building houses
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
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 to economic growth. In my opinion, city planners should balance these two needs by building high - rise apartments to save land for public parks.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say you partly agree, but your reason should be more direct and steady in all parts.
task response
Add more clear support for each main point. Some ideas are good, but a few are too general and need better explanation.
task response
Use examples that are more real and more exact. This will make your points stronger and easier to trust.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. A few sentences now feel hard to follow because the meaning changes too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a more natural way. Some linking words are used well, but a few sentences still feel weak or not fully connected.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order inside paragraphs. Put the main idea first, then explanation, then example.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
Most ideas are relevant to the topic of trees and housing in cities.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing well, which helps the reader follow your essay.
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