IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you Agree that it is the greatest problem face by humanity?

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It is true that, in
this
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 fast-paced era, the
population
Use synonyms
 of the earth is increasing
day
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 by
day
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it can be serious issue for
humanity
Use synonyms
 than ever before. Personally, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because
this
Linking Words
 problem can lead to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of essential
resources
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 and a
huge
Punctuation problem
huge,
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 harmful impact on
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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.
To begin
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 with, the modern and
advancent
Correct your spelling
advanced
 development of technology allows individual's life much easier and safer,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 it
also
Linking Words
 create way for the rise of
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 around the world. The more
population
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 needs crucial natural
resources
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 for living,
such
Linking Words
 as
, electricity
Correct word order
electricity, natural gas
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, natural-gas and fresh water. These
resources
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 dropping
day
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 in
day
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 out because of
large
Correct article usage
a large
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 amount of
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
 by
humanity
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.
For example
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, without these
resources
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 person can not live longer
more
Rephrase
apply
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than ten years. Another primary reason why it can be
radical
Correct article usage
a radical
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 problem for
humanity
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 is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
more
Correct word choice
a larger
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population
Use synonyms
 means producing more waste
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is harmful
for
Change preposition
to
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 our environment and wildlife. The factories
working
Wrong verb form
work
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 around the clock in order to
full fill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 the needs of
humanity
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they
producing
Wrong verb form
produce
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 a large amount of different types of garbage that can easily harm the environment
and
Punctuation problem
,
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 creating some problems.
For instance
Linking Words
, air pollution, climate change and
also
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 affects the
dissapearance
Correct your spelling
disappearance
 of wildlife animals. In conclusion, in our world, the
population
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 rate of
humanity
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 is dramatically rising
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it can be a serious challenge that
humanity
Use synonyms
ever
Verb problem
has ever
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experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
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, the real reasons
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern technologies and the needs of individuals.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. You talk about causes and you say you agree, but the causes are not fully explained.
task response
Give 2 or 3 clear causes of population growth, such as better health care, lower death rates, and longer life.
task response
Explain why this is the greatest problem, and also show why some people may think other problems are greater.
task response
Use examples that are real and easy to believe. Some examples now are too general or not correct.
coherence and cohesion
Make one main idea for each body paragraph and develop it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, because, so, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some sentences are hard to follow because too many ideas are in one line.
coherence and cohesion
Write a clearer conclusion that repeats your answer to both questions.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion.
task response
Your opinion is clear: you agree with the statement.
task response
You give main ideas about resources and the environment.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has basic paragraphing.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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