IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With all the problem in the world today spending money on space exploration is a complete waste of time and money. The money could be better spend on other caus. Do you agree or disagree?

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In a
world
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 progressively becoming more bustling and fast-paced, all
people
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 need is some
space
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,
space
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 to rest, to
medidate
Correct your spelling
meditate
, to resolve conflict. It may be seen as a waste of
space
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 and public area, yet it is an essential to
city
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 dwellers,
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 foundation to build a community, and an
infrastruture
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 to mental wellbeing. With all the
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in the
world
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 today, spending money on
space
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exploration
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 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
never a complete waste of investment. I will illustrate my point with the setting of an Asian
city
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,
Hong
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Kong
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. How to explore
space
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when we are running out of
space
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?
Hong
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Kong
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 is a small
city
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 that
run
Correct subject-verb agreement
runs
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 as one of the busiest and
expensive
Rephrase
most expensive
show examples
 cities in the
world
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. As a local myself, it is certainly stressful and
suffocated
Replace the word
suffocating
 at times,
livin
Correct your spelling
living
 in an Asian culture
that is
Linking Words
 constantly focused on Acaedmics, public examinations, economic and social standards,
people
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 never have the time to rest.
Also
Linking Words
 being a cramped
city
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as
Change preposition
like
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Hong
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Kong
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, there is no free and public
space
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 for
people
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 to live in, there are problems like rising land prices,
people
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 living in cage
house
Check wording
houses
show examples
, and more. To resolve
this
Linking Words
, we can conduct
space
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exploration
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 with the innovative talents, like spatial art designers, interior designers who have
extraordinary
Correct article usage
an extraordinary
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 sense of
space
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 and
designing
Wrong verb form
design
show examples
 it with purpose. With the emergence of advanced technology, a generational change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 attitude towards
connection
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happens to occur
Wrong verb form
has occurred
show examples
. With the
arise
Replace the word
rise
 of Covid-19 and
generational
Fix capitalization
Generation
show examples
 Z or Alpha, in person
connection
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 almost become meaningless and
constantly
Verb problem
are constantly
show examples
 avoided.
Therefore
Linking Words
, exploring new and undiscovered spaces, designing or implementing with
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
, could be one of the many ways to attract more attention in
real life
Correct your spelling
real-life
 connections. It is a great opportunity for us to embrace the art of noticing and invite the public to
conncet
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connect
 with the real
world
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 in a funny yet meaningful way.
This
Linking Words
 approaches starting from discovering and exploring
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space
Punctuation problem
space,
show examples
 is a first step to
real
Correct your spelling
real-world
world
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connection
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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 it does not immediately ask for human
connection
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
starting
Wrong verb form
starts
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 from the
togethersness
Correct your spelling
togetherness
 of noticing our surroundings. Rehabilitation or revitalisation are types of
space
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exploration
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, take PMQ in
Hong
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Kong
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 as an example, once an old factory now
becomes
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 an aesthetic and community-favoured common area. It is always about making memories and making meanings exist in existing
space
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.
Space
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exploration
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 is
sure
Rephrase
surely
show examples
 a great idea for users, it even welcomes inclusive, diverse and global connections. Making
space
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 out of the lack of
space
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 requires some innovative brains, from
this
Linking Words
 creation part to sustaining it, which means finding business to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 the purpose of the created
space
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, can only become possible
upon
Change preposition
through
show examples
 international, cultural connections. Take
CJ
Correct article usage
the CJ
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 Hendry Flower Market in
Hong
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Kong
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 as
example
Correct article usage
an example
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. CJ Hendry is an Australian business party that once had an
internation
Correct word choice
international
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 showcase exhibition in
Hong
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Kong
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, interacting with the locals by selling handmade flowers.
This
Linking Words
 activity
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 lasted for 5
days
Punctuation problem
days,
show examples
 has attracted more
people
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 than expected.
People
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 arrive for an indelible experience
that is
Linking Words
 different and
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
show examples
 special from their daily life and their own cities. Welcoming business from overseas
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 doesn't just build human
connection
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, but
also
Linking Words
rekindling
Wrong verb form
rekindles
show examples
 the spirit of collective joy in
this
Linking Words
space
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.
Space
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Exploration
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 can be a waste of time and money in terms of its
short terms
Check wording
short-term goals
show examples
, like
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
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 process, investment itineraries. But we must not ignore the
longterm
Correct your spelling
long-term
 and underlying purposes -- rekindling and embracing collective joy, by giving
space
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 to give great opportunities to build
connection
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. Indeed that are other
caus
Correct your spelling
causes
 that can
worth
Verb problem
be worth
show examples
 the investment, but
sure
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
exploring existing
space
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 will always be fundamental.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. The task is about money for space travel, but your essay talks mostly about public space in a city.
task response
Keep the same meaning for the word space. In your essay, space changes from outer space to city space, and this makes your position unclear.
task response
State your opinion in a simple way in the first paragraph and keep it the same in all body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Use main ideas that clearly support your view. Each body paragraph should link to the topic of space exploration and public spending.
coherence and cohesion
Make paragraph order clearer. For example: introduction, reason 1, reason 2, example, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, such as first, also, for example, however, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
You try to use real examples from Hong Kong, and this helps support your ideas.
task response
Your writing shows strong feeling and interest in the topic.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Space exploration
  • Technological advancement
  • International cooperation
  • Investment in science
  • Socioeconomic issues
  • Sustainable development
  • Resource allocation
  • Global collaboration
  • Humanitarian aid
  • Space debris
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Interstellar
  • Celestial bodies
  • Spacefaring civilization
  • Earth-bound problems
  • Space race
  • Disparity
  • Innovation
  • Frontier of science
  • Long-term investment
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