IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

An increasing number of people are buying whta they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online?

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In today’s rapidly evolving era, many
people
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 prefer purchasing goods online. I believe that
while
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this
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 trend can offer benefits for
both
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individuals
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 and
companies
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, overreliance on
this
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 practice can result in challenges. One major advantage of online shops is that they provide
people
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 with access to a wide range of
products
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 from diverse
brands
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.
This
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 mainly contributes to
individuals
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 comparing items more conveniently and efficiently; thereby, they can make better purchasing decisions.
In addition
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, online
platforms
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 allow
companies
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 to sell their
products
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 in a vast market to
people
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 from all around the world, resulting in increasing their profits and reducing dependence on physical markets.
For instance
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, the Amazon platform has enabled
people
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 to buy what they need from all around the world and offered unique opportunities for
companies
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 to sell their
products
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.
Hence
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, online shops
benefits
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benefit
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both
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individuals
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 and businesses.
On the other hand
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, the significant drawback of online
platforms
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 is that they reduce opportunities for face-to-face interaction.
This
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 mainly leads to limiting interaction with sales staff and gaining insightful tips from retailers.
As a result
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, the
overall
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 shopping experience significantly declines
and
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, and
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people
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 cannot buy suitable items.
Moreover
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, these
platforms
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 damage
companies
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 by spreading fake
products
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 imitating well-known
brands
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, reducing consumer trust in
such
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brands
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. As an example, online
platforms
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such
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 as Digikala
,
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apply
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 sometimes sell
products
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 with poor quality under famous
brands
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which
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, which
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 negatively affects
people
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’s shopping experience and threatens businesses’ popularity.
Thus
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,
such
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 negative features offer detrimental consequences for
both
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companies
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 and
individuals
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. In conclusion,
while
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 online
platforms
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 expose
people
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 to a wide variety of
products
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 from all around the world and allow
companies
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 to reduce their dependence on physical selling, they can
offer
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pose
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 risks for
both
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companies
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 and
people
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, including selling fake goods and reducing consumer trust.

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task response
Answer all parts in a more direct way. Say the good and bad points for people and for companies very clearly.
task response
Give one more clear example for people and one more for companies. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are too general. Explain how and why in a more simple and exact way.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words well, but do not use too many long phrases. Keep links simple and clear.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are hard to follow because they are too long. Make some sentences shorter.
task response
You answer both sides: good points and bad points.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and stay on topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow with clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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