IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The maps below show the changes that took place in a coastal town called Pentland between 1950 and 2007

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The maps delineate the shift of a coastal
city
Use synonyms
 named Pentland, across 57 years timeframe.
Overall
Linking Words
, significant changes can be observed from 1950 to 2007, and in the latter
year
Add a comma
year,
show examples
 the
city
Use synonyms
 became organised and well developed.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the western part of the
city
Use synonyms
 in
1950
Correct article usage
the 1950
show examples
 map depicted an industrial area,
whereas
Linking Words
 in 2007,
this
Linking Words
 was removed from the
city
Use synonyms
 and replaced with multi-storied car parking, aditionally swiming pool and a park
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 added. In stark contrast, the
sea side
Correct your spelling
seaside
 was converted into
dock
Correct article usage
a dock
show examples
, where the
affluents'
Replace the word
affluent
 can park their
yatch
Correct your spelling
yacht
 or private ships.
However
Linking Words
, the southwest and northeast
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
the
city
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 unoccupied during 1950, but in 2007, in the southwest
area
Punctuation problem
area,
show examples
 a cinema or theatre zone was created
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the northeast part was used for
appartments
Correct your spelling
apartments
 and shops.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the grassland area of the southeast was replaced by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
houses. In conclusion, the Pentland
city
Use synonyms
 underwent
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
significant changes during the 57 years and
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 become a
well organised tourist attracting
Correct your spelling
well-organised tourist-attracting
 coastal town.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words city with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: