IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

These days people prefer to watch live performances (shows, concerts) through tv or computer, online rather than go to the place of that event. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Currently, a
lot
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 of
people
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 choose to watch performances
such
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 as shows,
concerts
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 on the Tv or social media rather than go to the
place
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 of that gathering. From my perspective, I agree with
this
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 statement, as it is better to watch various gatherings online. On the one hand, at the
last
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 moment, some
people
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 don't want to go to the event or celebration
and
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or
show examples
concerts
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. Because in
this
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 world, a
lot
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 of concert ticket price increased to 30% that's why it is very expensive. Many residents earn low salaries and cannot afford to buy.
For instance
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, if someone goes to another
place
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, they will spend a
lot
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 of
time
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 and spend more money. And another reason, some
people
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 don't like being crowded
,
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;
show examples
 they feel uncomfortable. Online viewing is free , and it is nice to watch online with family or close friends.
Moreover
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, social media has different types of films,
concerts
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 and shows.
On the other hand
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, few
people
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 like to go to places and watch various events as they feel emotions and enjoy from
this
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 situations.
In addition
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, lovers or friends want to spend a
lot
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 of
time
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 together and have a memorable
time
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, so they want to have a good
time
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 by going to the movies together, or going to a concert of their favourite artist.
Although
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people
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 prefer to watch online rather than go to the
place
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 of that event because they want a peaceful and tranquil environment, some
people
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 go to the
place
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 to watch shows
such
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 as films or
concerts
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 , so they want to see the original situation and feel the vibrant environment.

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task response
Give a more clear answer from the start. Say why you agree, and keep this same idea in all body parts.
task response
Add one or two real and clear examples. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Explain each main point more. Some ideas are short, so the reader wants more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some sentences jump too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Group similar ideas in one place. For example, money, time, and comfort can be one full paragraph.
task response
You answered the topic and gave your opinion.
task response
You included both sides of the topic, which helps the essay feel balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used linking words like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • live performance
  • streaming
  • mobility issues
  • busy schedules
  • substantially cheaper
  • broadens cultural horizons
  • customize their environment
  • electric atmosphere
  • social interaction
  • technical issues
  • immersive experience
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