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Band 7.5

As transport and accommodation problems are increasing in many cities, some governments encourage businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#transport #accommodation #cities #governments #businesses #move #areas
Currently, transport and accommodation issues are going up in many urban areas. To solve these problems, some authorities and councils encourage businesses to move to the countryside.
This
 essay will talk about the pros and cons of
this
 solution and give my opinion that there are more drawbacks than benefits. On the one hand, admittedly, delivering factors, plants, and facilities of businesses can have negative impacts on the residents’ lives. First of all, some manufacturers play a crucial role for city dwellers. They provide with most amenities, goods, and services that inhabitants use today.
Therefore
, requiring businesses to move to rural regions can cause people's quality of life to significantly decline.
Besides
, the government may face public opposition.
Furthermore
, if business owners deliver all their infrastructure to the countryside, it will need a lot of budget and can cause profits to decrease.
Hence
, it can cause dissatisfaction and conflicts between the authorities and the manufacturers.
On the other hand
, there are some advantages that need to be paid attention to.
First,
moving to another area can be a great chance to expand the market trade of owner firms. They can take advantage of providing for rural inhabitants because of a lack of facilities in the countryside.
Moreover
, nowadays, many city’s mining resources are almost overused and exhausted, so transporting headquarters to remote regions can help them find other plentiful sources. In conclusion, business movement may have advantages, but in my view, the drawbacks still outweigh them because of some disadvantages mentioned above.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

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task response
It might be beneficial to further develop the disadvantages and add more specific examples to strengthen the arguments. Currently, the discussion on disadvantages is well-outlined but it could be more detailed.
coherence and cohesion
Consider refining transitional phrases and connectors to enhance the flow between points. This will improve the overall readability and coherence.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the points made effectively.
task response
The main ideas and arguments are clearly stated and easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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