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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

MANY STUDENTS FINISH HIGH SCHOOL AND WANT TO CONTINUE STUDYING ABROAD, IN ANOTHER COUNTRY. GIVE THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF STUDYING OVERSEAS.

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Many students graduate from high school and want to study abroad. Some
people
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 think it is a good idea,
while
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 others think it is difficult.
This
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 essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of studying overseas. On the one hand, there are many advantages of studying overseas.
First,
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students can meet new
people
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. They can make new friends.
Also
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, it will improve their social skills.
Second,
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they can learn
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 language.
For
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example
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, that's how they make friends. Add to
this
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, learning
new
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a new
show examples
 language can offer them better jobs.
Finally
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, it will make them open-minded.
For
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example
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, they will learn
new
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a new
show examples
 culture.
Also
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, it will make them more confident.
On the other hand
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, there are many disadvantages of studying overseas.
First,
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they will feel very lonely.
For
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example
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, they will miss the time that they spend
it
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apply
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with their families.
Moreover
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, students will miss their childhood friends.
Second,
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they will face a language barrier. It will be difficult to speak to other
people
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. They will depend on the translators.
Lastly
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, studying abroad will cost a lot of money.
For
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example
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, the rent is very expensive.
In addition
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, the transport is pricey if they don't have their own car. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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 studying overseas is very useful. They just need to believe and trust in themselves.In the end, they will return to their families as
a
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apply
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successful
people
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.

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task response
For task response, you answer both sides of the topic, so this is good. But your ideas are quite simple. Try to explain each main point more clearly.
task response
For task response, your examples are relevant, but they are very general. Add one more clear and real example to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear 4-paragraph structure. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some linking words are used, like 'First', 'Second', and 'Moreover'. But some sentences are too short and not well connected. Try to join ideas more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some small grammar and word form problems make the flow less clear, for example 'learn new language' and 'a successful people'. Check sentence form carefully.
task response
You clearly discuss both advantages and disadvantages, so you address the full question.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present, and they match the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your main ideas are easy to understand because your writing is direct and simple.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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