IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.

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In today’s world,
this
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 is the crux of the matter that young people should comprehend the distinction between right and wrong during their formative years, a lesson that teaches them throughout their lives.
However
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,I am of the opinion that punishing
children
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 is not an effective way of raising
children
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and
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, and
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this
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 results in dtrimental effect on their cognitive ability.In
this
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 essay, I shall explore both perceptions beforehand , coming to a conclusion. On the one hand, it is widely believed that, at the beginning of the learning process, every person could have made mistakes
and
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, and
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 it can not be achieved perfectly.
Hence
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, relying on
punishment
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 as a teaching method can have notable improvements
on
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in
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children
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’s ability.One of the obvious reasons is that
,
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apply
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 positioning
punishment
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 may foster a child’s cognitive development.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 build disciplined atmosphere from a young age, which can have benefits in the long-term.
Further
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 justification is that
,
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 young citizens who grow up in a disciplined environment perform better in their professions.
On the other hand
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, despite punishing
children
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 for their mistakes can have advantages in the long-term,
this
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 could result in chronic stress , anxiety and fear of making mistakes.The main argument of
this
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 viewpoint is that
punishment
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 tends to perpetuate negative reinforcement,instilling a sense of fear that discourages
children
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 from reassessing their beliefs and behaviours as they mature.These beliefs can undermine their self-confidence and ability to make independent decisions in adulthood.
To conclude
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, even though
punishment
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 plays a pivotal role in raising young citizens,
this
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 can reduce their confidence and result in fear of making decisions independently.
Instead
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, parents and educators should nurture a supportive environment where
children
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 learn through guidance and experience.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task more directly. You gave your view, but you did not clearly say what kind of punishment, if any, is right for children.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support your main ideas. This will make your points stronger and easier to believe.
task response
Explain your ideas more fully. Some points are good, but they are too general and need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some are not natural, and some sentences are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph unity. A few ideas do not connect smoothly to the main point of the paragraph.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic, which helps you answer the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs, and the conclusion is easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical overall order from introduction to body to conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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